Hi there, I think I know the answer, but it seems to have taken me a long time to realise what is going on... maybe I just want others to confirm my thoughts.
I grew up with a npd mother, so am well used to emotional abuse & being used as a scapegoat.
When I met my partner & his family, I saw them as being really 'normal' ...in comparison to mine!....so probably naively thought I'd have no problems.
Partners immediate family never seemed to 'warm' to me and despite poor treatment from my own family, I don't believe I'm a 'bad' person, I've always tried to be friendly with in laws, help them when I can etc I just concluded I wasn't their 'cup of tea'.
But in the last few years they've been much more friendly & more pleasant...I was obviously really pleased, but just recently they've become hostile & unpleasant again
I'm really really slow on the uptake...but have finally realised what's going on... they've recently being having problems with a younger family member... totally coincides with hostility towards me! And the earlier long periods of hostility and bitching about me coincides with an older family member being very ill & one member's partner leaving her.
There is a sibling who moved to the other side of the world, just before I met partner...she is seen as 'bad' by many of the family. I've always felt sorry for her and suspected she was the 'scapegoat'.
So was she the old scapegoat & I'm the new one??! 