Do I tell abusive ex's new gf?

[NewStartNow]

That's it really. He's potentially starting a new relationship and I do know the woman
He was emotionally abusive and controlling to me but had started throwing objects around and threatening me. His previous gf he was physically violent to.

Hi. You could raise your concerns to the police. They use something's called
Claire's law
They will assess whether or not the new partner needs to know they will tell her formally

Just thinking if it comes from you she may not take you seriously

That's awful!
Quick question did his ex gf tell you that he was that way towards her?

No, Claires law and she herself did.. The police don't get in touch with new partners unless they specifically request a disclosure.

You will find that he will have got in there first with her - she will be primed to view you as 'the crazy jealous ex' and she will discount what you have to say.

You will also get people saying that they wished they had been warned - but this is after the fact. If people are really honest with themselves, there will have been indications of a controlling nature very early in the relationship - that we explain away because that's what we are used to. It's amazing how even a red flag as large as an ex giving a warning can be excused when the love-bombing is in full swing. We wanted to believe in our knight in shining armour.

Here's a link to an article that explains this further:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jun/23/annalisa-barbieri-problem-solved-domestic-violence

It's an old article, and the legislation it talks about (in consultation at the time) is now Clare's Law. The Police will only act if they have reason to believe he is abusive - so previous reports from you or a previous partner. If he was violent to an ex, there may be something there that they would disclose to the new girlfriend.

It's a tricky one. Do you know the woman well? I think I'd be inclined to tell her, then it's up to her if she believes you or not. She may not initially believe you but surely once his usual pattern of behaviour kicks in she will know then.

For peace of mind aviation her welfare, I would tell her.

Oh, just cross-posted - the Police will disclose to the new partner if they become aware of the new relationship from any source - they will not disclose to the person informing them.

I know this as I contacted them when the abusive ex moved to live VERY close to me with a new GF - I wasn't interested in their relationship at all, I was frightened for myself as he did this immediately the restraining order ran out - he was basically stalking me again. It totally backfired on him because the Police disclosed his record to her.

@christmasfluff I am not sure about that . DD was in an abusive relationship ( not that she saw it at the time). I was frantic so contacted the Police for the Scottish equivalent of Clare’s Law. While this was processing, BF’s ex contacted DD to warn her but he managed to convince DD that she was jealous. Anyway , Police made Disclosure and - eventually- DD dumped him. When BF moved on to his next victim DD contacted police but they said they would only intervene if an official application was made and DD was too scared .

It's so difficult. He's a great love bomber and has a great well paid job. He also very charming and convincing initially until he has you trapped.
Not sure how to do it. I don't want to text as it may be read out to him and give him time to frame his lies.. I'd sooner meet face to face so there's less doubt about my motivation and veracity.

OP, don't put yourself in that position. If he finds out you spoke to GF , he might come after you again. I have remained frightened of any confrontation with my DV abusive ExH.

Report to police new relationship as suggested above, or to someone else that knows her and she might trust, and police/GF can use Claire's Law if need be. You're not responsible for policing his life or saving future partners.

He won't come after me. His public persona is very important to him and he's never abusive outside the home.

I warned my exes new girlfriend by posting a brief account of his abuse and why I wa in denial for so long on the motherload Facebook page where she is a very active member. She blocked me so must have seen it. I feel I've warned her without putting myself in the firing line. At least if (when) he starts with her she hopefully won't have as much self doubt as me. Very similar situation to what you describe. My ex is actually a police sergeant and so charming and plausible at first. Talks with a real tone of authority and has you believing all the 💩. I stifled my alarm bells-they were there but I was so lonely and wanted to be loved. It's hard to admit that.