What is your opinion

[GraceMcD]

Hi, I'm new so forgive me if I make any mistakes and let me know. Recently I lost 60kgs...this is a big deal to me as I have always been overweight. My 13year old daughter and I have a special night out once a year to the local fashion design awards. As I dressed I looked in the mirror and was so happy to see that this year I looked nice. Feeling good about myself for the first time in years. My daughter is truly a beautiful girl, tall, willowy with a pretty face...didn't get this from me (smile). My husband took a photo of us before we left. When he took the photo he said "no matter how much weight you lose you will never look as good as your daughter" (just to clarify -our daughter). We had visitors at the time to make it worse and he said it in front of everyone. I was so humiliated and destroyed by this. If I could have found a dark hole to crawl in I would have. My happiness evaporated my self esteem was zilch. When I later approached him about it.. He was angry with me for talking to him about it. This is not a one off incident... Not all are about our daughter of course. Please can you tell me..offer me some advice... How do I cope with this... Our visitors were not impressed with his behaviour and spoke to me quietly later. I didn't know what to say to them.

Favoritism hurts everyone involved.

My dad always favoured me as a kid and my mum favoured my sister. It was horrible because it built a wall between us. It was also made clear that their love depended on us fulfilling a role. In my case I had to be clever and "sensible like a boy, not a pathetic girl" and in my sister's case she had to be very beautiful, feminine and people-pleasing.

It's taken us decades to shake off these harmful roles. I've had real hang ups about any kind of feminine behaviour, e.g. wearing makeup, buying clothes that aren't practical. My sister has had problems doing anything that is "intellectual" - e.g. when asked to create a spreadsheet she's panicked and thought "I can't do this" even though she's fully capable.

Please OP have a good think about your options here. Your DC are getting damaged.

I just wanted to say a huge congratulations..60kg weight loss is bloody phenomenal and you have every right to feel fabulous! What a dick to throw shade on that, and then to criticise you for bringing it up with him?!

Could he be jealous of how you look now? So putting you down makes him feel better about himself?

I am afraid he truly needs enlightening about the way he is focussing on your DDs appearance, and all at the same time delivering a full body blow to you.

It's very devisive and vile to you both. Extremely uncomfortable for your DD, and he's being devisive between her and her dbros, it will isolate her from everyone.

He needs isolating before he does permanent harm to them all, including her, and you.

Fantastic achievement OP. . I do know how you feel, it's the small asides that can really drag you down. I mentioned at one point that as well as our business (we work together) I mentioned that I may think about getting another job as well, just to meet more people etc. My Hs comment was, 'well at 57 who would want you, it's not as easy as that' this despite the fact I have worked in office management/HR/ ran a business that generates around a million a year for the people we subcontract to etc. I have a good handle on digital marketing, Facebook sponsorship, printed press, PR etc. I certainly didn't feel 'unemployable' . He did try and backtrack, but the fact was he said it and it was very hurtful. I do think the favouritism thing is a very big issue and is slightly odd, I think you do need to have words about that too.

What he said is disgusting OP, and a weird comment to make about his daughter. You don't need advice on how to weather/cope this man's demeaning abuse, as you shouldn't have to in the first place, it doesn't form part of a loving relationship. What you have added about the family dynamics make it seem he is also not a positive influence as a parent. All of you deserve better and you certainly don't need to find ways to put up with it. Why do you want to be with someone who speaks to you like this? Genuine question..What do you get out of it?

Your weight loss is a huge achievement that you (and your family) should be hugely proud of. Congratulations on that

Hi,with you weight loss you husband is probably paranoid that men will start to chat to you and that you will leave him.

Tell you have had enough and say that if you can't handle it then leave.Tell him also that if you loved me you should be thanking me for the achievement that I have done...