Married, but kissed someone else.

[Yankeedoodlecandle]

Well I am that horrible person who kissed someone else at a Christmas party. I never ever thought I would do that.

I’ve been married for 30 years, got with my husband when we were both at school.
I haven’t been happy for a very very long time, but I’ve never done anything about it. My husband had an affair 11 years ago, and I’ve never really gotten over it. He thinks I think he’s been working really hard to try to repair the damage but he hasn’t because he lied about how far the affair went (it was a full on sexual affair) and he said he stopped seeing her when I found out, but he didn’t, he was still checking on her to see how she was after I found out about them.

I’ve never left him because he’s all I’ve ever known and I don’t work, and don’t have any family that can help me.

I’ve never had any self esteem for myself, I’ve never been that type of person who gets lots of attention from the opposite sex, so when I was out obviously drink was involved and I kissed someone. It was a stranger I got chatting to, we were both honest with each other and admitted we were married. I was so flattered, and felt brilliant and since then I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him.

He did ask for my telephone number, and I gave him it, but I knew he wouldn’t phone me (and he hasn’t) infact, he’s probably forgotten all about me now. I keep hoping though he will phone me, and if he did, I don’t know what I would do.

On the other hand, I hate myself, because that makes me as bad as my husband.

I don’t know what I’m expecting from writing all this down on a forum that strangers can read. I guess its because I feel really sad. Sad that I don’t love my husband as I should, sad that I kind of feel I’ve missed out on dating other people.

I’m almost 50 so I highly doubt I would ever meet anyone else should I leave my husband, but I know I won’t leave him because he is all I’ve ever known and I just don’t think I’m good enough for anyone else.

My self esteem is so low, I married the first person who ever showed me any attention. Many people have said this to me.

Anyway, thanks for listening, I’m away to have a right good cry now.

You are a wonderful woman. Maybe this is a warning sign for you to think about moving on. Lots of people do what you did. You have become self-aware . Some people never do. You can carry on as normal or separate and try to build a new life of your own. Either way, I wish you happiness x

Thing is, if my husband found out, he would be devestated, what I would do is make him feel as bad as I did when I found out about his affair. I don’t think he would want to continue with the marriage if he found out, he wouldn’t be as “forgiving” as me.
How could I do that to him?

How could I do that to him?

How could he do that to you! It works both ways!

It happens. Tbf I'm not a fan of Infidelity because it's wrong and it sucks but it does happen!

Buy him this book, download a sample and have a bit of a read so you can see what it's about, and maybe give it to your partner?

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0757319211/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_ZS.lCbNEWGCVG

Great website:

www.marriagebuilders.com/index.html

OP you sound lovely. You may have woken up and smelt the coffee. Life's too short. You are still young and don't feel too guilty.
You need to get your life back whether you stay married or not. And if you do stay married, try and ensure its happily. Good luck and enjoy.

You sound such a lovely lady. Do you have a therapist ?

Thank you for the replies, I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do, I really really don’t. We have children, 20, 12 and 11.

Part of me wants to stay married because it feels safe (does that even makes sense????) but another part of me wants to feel what I felt when I was kissing that stranger, and the feelings I had afterwards.
I keep telling myself to get a grip I’m nearly 50 not 20, and those types of feelings don’t last. I look at my friends who are single, and see how they are always wondering if the guy they met is going to call them and think is that what I want??

I don’t have a therapist I went to marriage counselling after the affair as my husband wouldn’t go. That therapist said there was no point continuing as he really needed to be there, but she suggested I have a therapist of my own to try to help with my self esteem, so, I got one, she said she had never seen anyone with such low self esteem before!!
It was a while ago I seen her, but i stopped going as I felt it wasn’t doing me any good.

I have been lying in my bed hating myself thinking of a man I don’t know and thinking of my husband (I know I shouldn’t but I am) and what I’ve done, and I’m also thinking what if someone else shows me a bit of attention, will I do it again, because I honestly don’t know!

Life is too short, you need to feel happy, and it sounds like you aren’t. Yes you’re not in your teens but you have many years ahead, you can still find joy