Sex

[Kandinsky1]

Hi I’ve been with my partner for nearly 10 years. We have one little boy who’s 4. My partner can be hard work mentally
I had a miscarriage before our son was born. My second pregnancy was horrible I was sick all day and night. I also suffered from headaches too. When our son was born he had silent reflux. He honestly was like a new born for 9 months. I was a mess. I did all childcare. I move house four times in four years my partner is a contractor. My partner now has just said if your sex drive doesn’t come back. Are we going to have an open relationship or split up. He stated he has been short changed and being patiently wait for five year. The first five years we were long distance and had sex two three times a week. We now have sex once a week due to me. He wants more. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t wnat an open relationship. I feel he puts so much pressure on about sex that I want it even less. Need advice as I’m lost.

Your libidos are mismatched, but not by a huge amount.
Often people come here saying they want to once/month vs daily...

I get it that you don’t want to force yourself to have sex more often than you want.
However, i’ll tell you what an ex of mine said once when we were talking about this - in general terms, it wasn’t a dig at me.

He said - often what women don’t realise is that a man (with a higher drive) would be happy with some interaction, or doesn’t have to be full sex. He can take care of himself, but if you are there at that time and touch/kiss him @ let him touch you - it’ll give him the intimacy and closeness he craves.

Maybe it’s just his view. Or maybe there is something to it.

The other point I wanted to make is that i’d ordinarily think that open relationships make sense when libidos are truly mismatched. But with weekly sex it’s hardly a drought.

Is there something you both can do to kick-start your libido?

Think he needs to be a bit more sensitive to your feelings and stop being a pig!
You’ve gave him children, had a bad pregnancy and rough 9 months with your baby and also juggled moving house 4 times. Does he compliment you? Help around the house and with the kids? Does he take you out on dates?

Yep, does he treat you well, make you feel special and look after you? Or do you go to bed feeling shattered and resentful? I always found the difference between those usually coincided with whether I actually found him attractive enough to want to have sex with him!

Don’t be pressured into sex you don’t want. It will leave you feeling like a zombie, a non-person. It is very bad for the self esteem. Rather, plan your life without him and let him go. Once a week isn’t a bad score for people with young families. He’s just making excuses to do what he wants to do.

I do everything. He works I’m a stay at home mum too. I live away from families so i never get a rest. Our son is normally up early too, I just wish he wasn’t so mean at times about it. His ultimatum shocked me.

GrandmaJane might be right. Give him your own ultimatum, knock off the unwanted advances or you're going to kick him out!

We aren’t married the house is in his name. So I would have to leave I have know where to go.

he honestly thinks I’m being unreasonable by not sorting myself out.