Hit this milestone and need to accept its unlikely I will have a child?

[Panicstationsroundhere]

34 last week. I feel like that’s it for me. Last relationship ended in September, been dating but nobody significant.

I’ve noticed my periods are shorter than they were in my twenties. I feel like this is it for me.

I got used to the fact everyone I know had got married in a long time ago so I don’t feel the pain or jealousy of that. I’ve accepted being alone.

I don’t want to have a baby alone. I wanted the whole package. How do you make peace with this?

I don't know where you live OP but all the first time mums I met when I lived in London were over 35! Meaning some had met their partner in their thirties too. Find a hobby, join a few classes, widen the pool of people to meet.

FFS I thought you were going to be about 43 or 45.

34!!

This is typical of me in my 20s and 30s, always thinking I wax ancient, always worrying about stuff.

Keep looking, you have YEARS yet.

I've recently had my first at 41 incidentally.

Tip no. 1 - try hobbies that are mixed/have loads of men, preferably with some social aspect.
Hiking, climbing, tennis, kayaking, sailing, golf, photography etc.

Tip no 2. - take every social opportunity going, anything and everything. If you're not meeting someone through your current circumstances/circles, keep adding to and changing those circumstances/circles.

1. If it's feasible, relocate to city/region with higher male-female ratio.

Your 34! The way you're going on had to re-read though you were 44.
You're not old. You have time to meet somebody and have a baby. Or go it alone and have a sperm donor baby and perhaps mr right will come along in the future.

I'm 28. Literally the only one of my friendship group to have a child or be married. Those things are way off for most of my friends. Please don't panic!! There is time. Maybe just not be the standard 2 yrs dating, year engagement, wedding, baby. Do it your own way, however that might be

Sorry, you are*
Gosh my spelling goes to pot this time of night

Op please don't give up! I have a friend who met hee husband at 33... at 39 she now has 3 children and is very happily married!

I'm 32 and have 2 children and want a third but not for at least 4/5 years... I feel like time is on my side!

Honestly op you are so young still I’m 38 and I thought last year I was having menopause symptoms still got pregnant though .

I felt like this in my mid 30s. Endlessly single and felt like there was no hope of meeting anyone. Then I discovered when I was 37 that I had a medical condition causing infertility.

I met DP when I was 38 and incredibly we had children at 41 and 44. I do actually feel a bit sad about having them so late for various reasons but I honestly don't know what I could have done differently

I'm not sure how reliable egg freezing is but perhaps a fertility check up might set your mind at rest?

Friend has just got married last year, baby due in June. She'll be 40. Don't give up hope - she was almost 38 when she met Mr Perfect (he is lovely, just right for her).

A lot can happen in 8 years time. Keep going. At this age serious relationships progress faster.

My brother and his wife are having their first baby together and SIL just turned 40! They only met around 2.5 years ago. You have a good 6 years or so yet!

Im 34 and due to have my baby next week. Just posting because the period thing happened to me not long before i fell pregnant and i worried there was something going on. I fell pregnant the first month of properly trying e.g. dtd around fertile period.

Also i had a friend who met someone and was pregnant within 18months. As you get older i think you realise quicker whether someone is for you or not.

I met my now husband when I was 34. Now 36 and I’m 38 weeks pregnant.

It’s definitely not too late.

Early menopause runs in my family OP, around 38-40.
If you’re worried about this wrt your shortening periods, ask the female members of your family (on your mum’s side) when their menopause was. It is strongly familial, so yours will be around the age that they had theirs.

Having said all that my sister met her husband aged 36, had her first aged 37 and is due her second soon aged 39.

@RosaAbsolute I love that!!

Please listen to everyone. Mourn your situation if you have too, but only for a little while. But then pick yourself up and get out there! 34 is so young!

Thank you to everyone who read my post and sent a reply. i've read them all and appreciate them a lot.

it is like i have been given a wider perspective. ALL my close friends were married by 30, though 2 out of the 6 are now sadly divorced and a third one is very unhappy in the marriage. i think it was seen as my normality and that made me feel i wasnt part of all the family thing.

another factor i think is that i have dated a LOT. the men i have had relationships with (3 significant ones) i have great memories. but in between those i have been on so so so many dates. and it becomes disheartening. i dont think i write people off too quickly or anything like that - im not looking for perfect - but very often i have gone out for dinner and although ive had a nice time, i feel even more lonely..not sure if that makes much sense.

i guess i just feel frustrated and there's a bit of self pity there which isnt attractive, i know!

Have you had your iron levels checked? I know that's not the point of the thread, but when my periods got significantly shorter and lighter it was because I'd become anaemic. I also didn't realise until I started supplementing that it had been affecting my mood. Did the doctor do bloods?

No they didn’t do bloods. I’ve never considered that. Could I just start eating foods high in iron or would that not help if I was actually anaemic? Ie would I need actual pills

Depends on your levels I think. Some people's are only a bit under normal but they still feel the effects, and some people are incredibly low. And there are different types of iron to be low on. But it's surprisingly easy to be eating less iron than you need, even when eating what you consider to be a decent diet. I eat quite well, but my definition of that tended to focus on getting enough fruit and veg and trying not to have too much crap, alcohol etc. Hadn't given iron much thought.

I would say to anyone though, if you're having much lighter periods and you feel your mood is worse, consider getting bloods. Especially if you think you might want a child. So many of us get anaemic during pregnancy, give yourself the best chance by at least making sure you go into it with normal levels! I just felt so much less... heavy, once my iron levels increased. You sound heavy too.

wow also thought you was going to be much older! my mum had my brother at 45

www.zitawest.com/

I found zita west`s book incredibly helpful. Had my first at age 40. I got pregnant naturally after trying for 3 months. Maybe a fertility assessment would be helpful for you? I think periods normally go heavier as you get older towards the menopause not lighter??

I got was pregnant and married within half a year of meeting my DH. It really doesn’t take that long. If dating isn’t working for you you need to revaluate your method. Giving up at this point is really absurd. I would also forget about the lthe three periods thing. Mine have changed a few times throughout my life. At one point they went from being five heavy days consistent to the hour to being inconsistent three days of very light pink bleeding. No fertility issues ever. Don’t fixate on that.

Met DH when I was 38. He was told in a previous marriage that he couldn't have kids. Low sperm count. Guess what? I got pregnant at 39. Had DD. Married at 40. Miracles do happen. I got pregnant again at 45 but sadly miscarried. As someone else said, just go out, have fun, meet lots of people. Good luck.