Dating as a single mum

[JudgeJudyWhereAreYou]

I’m in my mid 20s and split up with my dcs dad two years ago. I also have an older dc from a previous relationship (was a young ftm).

I’ve tried OLD but seem to only meet guys willing to have a relationship with me who are in their 30s and 40s who have their own older children, or fuck boys who run a mile when I tell them I’m a mum of 2.

Am I really doomed to be lonely until the children are older? Or do I have to accept that the only men emotionally mature enough to handle my situation are going to be significantly older than me?

So both still
pretty young, no harm in waiting abit then I think. Will be easier once they are older aswell!

You’re probably right whatsthepointthen. I just miss having a love life not to mention sex life! But I guess that’s my lot for now.

Maybe I’m being unrealistic about being able to hold down a relationship whilst my LOs need so much attention still.

Nothing wrong with being a little unrealistic, if not you'll just be feeling like you're settling!
It's probably a combination of things that are making it feel like such a helpless pursuit.
Looking in places that despite what everyone claims, put people in to boxes and force you to make assumptions.
Straight away people have made an assumption on you, what you'll offer them, what your draw backs will be etc, and these will mainly be from what they've read about similar people on the internet, in the papers and from their mates, and very few examples from personal experience (even more so in the age bracket you're looking for).
Then the age you're looking at will have an higher percentage of people you'll feel are errr "immature" and people wanting an care free casual hookups etc. Or people just genuinely after a different situation.
You've probably encountered quite a few of these.
You're 100% right (not that you need my perceived acceptance!) That your kids come first, but that adds it's own issues, stresses and complications.
And now because it's seeming difficult, you you have the niggle in the back of your mind that it's it's an issue, or will always be like this.
I think unfortunately, you'll live one of the old clichés, it'll find you when you least expect it.
You'll give up, lay off the dating apps and just end up making friends with someone new who has a mate that you just click with and boom.

Keep those unrealistic expectations, just concentrate on your day to day goals and wait for that one to hit you from no where.

@JudgeJudyWhereAreYou spend a little time on yourself and your DC's. Establish yourself in job/role you enjoy and enjoy yourself, your children and your independence for a while. When you have all those pieces in place the rest of the jigsaw will complete itself. x

I know how you feel, I have 4 and single ive kinda accepted thats me done! It does get lonely though so I understand where you are coming from.

Thanks Cheerio. You are very kind!

X posted with other kind posters! Thank you for the supportive words. I’m not going to give up hope!

The things you're looking from, apart from sex, only you can provide for yousrself. Do you work? Are you thinking of doing a course? Perhaps you could go on nights out with your friends? I was a single parent in my mid 20s and went out with friends a lot, dated here and there but nothing serious until I was in my 30s. You need to concentrate on just enjoying your life, plan a future (if you haven't already) and see where it takes you.

You sound very mature and your expectations are realistic, unfortunately most young men are not up to your level

You'll meet someone, the right man for you will turn up but it may not be right now. I had three children to two different men when I met my now husband. We have a little boy together also.
And guess what, my partner is in his 20s. He was probably a rare find but it shows it's possible.
If you meet someone who likes you for you and wants a serious relationship with you, the kids won't put him off.

I was a single mum of a two year old DS when I met my DH, he was in his early 20s and younger than me! We are now married with another DS. They do exist!

You want a good looking guy your own age? Such blokes are unlikely to want to commit, and less likely to want to commit to a single mum. I suppose you can just keep your eyes open, and maybe give men you aren't immediately attracted to a second chance.

Good morning Judge. I just wanted to say don't give up hope! I was a single parent at 25 with no help at all. I did manage to have a fun sex life as I didn't want anything more as I felt it would complicate things. I have a partner now but we were sleeping together and seeing each other in secret for 8 months! We fell in love, he had a son also and we live together with a baby coming in August!

What helped me grow as a person was focussing on my career. I started off as a part time carer and now I'm a home manager. I would suggest you do similar, get hobbies or study maybe?

Good luck anyway. Make your own happiness. If someone comes along and enhances it that's a bonus!