When it's not as simple as LTB?

[Hefffalump]

I'm an unmarried mother of two cohabitating with the DC's father, one toddler and a baby on the way. I'm not financially independent having given up my low paid retail job to become a SAHM before the relationship went to pot. Things were great, comfortable and ran smoothly until he cheated and now I want out. It's too late for me to dwell on how naive I was to lose my independence without being married, so I could do without being reminded of that.

Realistically I cant go back to work for the next couple of years as i have no family to help with childcare and there's no way I can afford 2k per month for full time childcare for two children. I'd love to go back to work immediately, tomorrow, but with a toddler and a newborn soon to arrive plus no childcare it's not at all practical.

We rent a property which is in both of our names but he pays the rent as he works full time. We essentially rely on him to keep a roof over our heads.

So what's a person to do when they want out and it really isn't as easy as LTB?

I can't claim benefits because he works therefore I have no money to squirrel away to pay a deposit on a new house. We live in an expensive part of the country where it's almost impossible to rent if you don't have a decent income and the vast majority of private landlords won't accept housing benefit anyway.

I'm entitled to no help from the council as there's absolutely nothing available and if I walked out I'd be making myself intentionally homeless.

Screwed aren't I?

I’m sure there are some possible solutions, OP. One example - could you and a friend with a baby work a job share in retail, each doing the childminding for the other on your days off? That way, at least you get a part time income and no childcare costs.

Or could you bide your time until the kids are at school, maybe studying at home for some qualifications to get a better job later?
Perhaps live apart from DH but under the same roof, until you can afford to separate?
I’m sure other MNers will be along with advice and ideas that worked for them - they’re a resourceful lot!

Could you be a childminder & work from home? Could be a way to save up for a few months? Sorry to hear you’re in this situation

You can start making a plan? And take steps to achieve your goal which is probably leaving/separating even if it takes some time.

When I was in a similar position, we separated and lived in the same house for two years. Yes it was horrendous but because of the situation with young children, work, finances etc there was no way around it apart from homelessness.

Can you see your tenancy through and make plans to separate by the end of it by which time you can find out if you will be entitled to housing benefit/universal credit etc?

I don't have any friends whatsoever where I live, the ones i do have are in my home town on the other side of the country and I can't return there as I'd be at risk. Very limited family support but none of which are able to put us up or help with childcare.

Our flat is tiny so wouldn't be suitable for me to be a child minder and work from home.

My only option is to play the long game it seems, I'm just so miserable and want better for myself.

Renters are often forbidden to run a childminding business from home by their tenancy agreements.

Play the long game and make a plan.

One friend who lives halfway between my home town and where I live now has offered to put us up in an emergency but they have a one bed flat and there's no way I could hole up there with two young children long enough to sort anything else out so if I did go there I'd be worse off and potentially homeless after a week or so.

Can you go to the council and say you had to make yourself homeless? I mean you might not end up in the best of places, but you’re pregnant so you will be relatively high up the list.
And as much as you might not want to think about this, you can just about survive on your own on benefits and a bit of part time work if you can get housing sorted.
For someone with young children this is actually the best short term option for you.

Your local council will have guidelines so I would start by looking them up.

A lot of councils no longer except relationship breakdowns with no DV as being involuntarily homeless and I'd honestly never advise anyone to go on benefits now unless there was no other recourse because now all new claims are UC, the old days of tax credits and working PT as well as being 'high on the list' because you're pregnant are long gone.

I don’t think the presenting yourself to the council as homeless is better than your current situation.

I'm sorry heffa you sound like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Is it possible (this is a very long shot) to find a job which comes with accommodation, eg housekeeper etc where you could still look after the child - sorry I realise how stupid that sounds, but its worth thinking outside the box. Or into a shared housing community?

Presenting yourself to the council is a last ditch thing to do. It just depends if you can stick in this marriage ongoing
But I can’t see any other sensible option unless your parents take you in.

@thebaronetofcockburn
They aren’t long gone in my borough in London for pregnant women. There is a list of people they that get priority as homeless

But you will probably end up in a bnb or a studio flat indefinitely

And UC is there to help women like this one. It’s not ideal. But it would entirely depend on If you would rather live your current life or not. And how much other external help you have.