Please advise

[Java2018]

My partner keeps threatning to leave me every time we argue. We had a bad spell over Christmas, mostly he wasn't happy that I made us spend it with my family.

I do feel guilty I should have gone to his parents on Christmas eve. But I felt as we were spending New Years with his family, and my family live in a different city , whereas his live locally. I felt that I was in the right to ask that he spends it with my family. I've obviously upset him a lot.

He sat me down and told me he isn't happy, and that he wants to leave me, and that he's falling out of love with me. He said he'd give it until the end of the month. We sleep in the same bed but he won't be intimate. But he kisses my forehead before he goes work. He also acts normal half the time, then goes back into sulk mode.

I don't know what going on in his head but he's done this before about 6 months ago.

I feel really tired, and mentally exhausted, I just want to move on like adults. I feel i'm on the edge constantly. He doesn't want my family to know about it. I have no one to speak to about this.

If he has fallen out of love with you and wants to leave, why would you want him to stay?
Does he backtrack after he says that?

He sat me down and told me he isn't happy, and that he wants to leave me, and that he's falling out of love with me.

So why is he still in your bed? Ask him to move out. Talk to whoever you want to about it. It's not up to him.

It's time for you to take control of the situation and stop being manipulated by him. Start by telling your family.

Do you have any children ?
How is his life outside of the relationship ? Could he be depressed for any reason ?
If he has fallen out of love with you I don’t think I would stick around for him to turn round and do this in another 6 months. Especially if you don’t have any other commitments together

Take control, tell him if he feels like that then you need to talk about what seperating looks like. He doesn't get to call all the shots and play with your emotions.

Beware of ow waiting in the wings...

Just tell him to go. Don't wait on him to make a decision about whether you are worth it.

I had something similar a few years ago. We'd been together a long time. Same time of year. He said he would give it a month and think. I was on the edge and crying all the time, couldn't concentrate on anything else. It was awful. In the end I pushed him to make his mind up after 3 weeks of absolute hell and he left. He'd also been having an EA with a woman at work and expected me to just forget immediately that it ever happened. Pfft.

If I was in that position again I would have suggested counselling or just asked him to leave. I actually felt relieved when he finally made his mind up. It took a long time to get over it but that waiting made it worse to be honest. I don't think I'd been happy for a while either but didn't want to admit it.

Take care of yourself and try to get some time to think about what you want and need. Put yourself first. I wish I'd done that xx

He doesn't want my family to know about it.

Aww diddums. Sucks to be him, go tell them and get support.

What's the living situation? Did you move in with him or are you on the deeds/tenancy?

You need to start making plans to be on your own because he's clearly on his way out, I'm sorry.

He began a new job six months ago, it was suppose to be a dream job, payrise etc but he has clashed with his new manager, and now hates his job. I think he is a little depressed. We have beautiful 2 year old boy.

Tell him to bugger off!
Don't be held in limbo like this.
And HE does NOT get to dictate who you can and can''t share your problems with.
I think this guy is controlling in other ways too.
What is the living situation?

He's depressed?! He's making you depressed! You're important too OP, your feelings count as much as his!