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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU

2 replies

User0000111 · 04/01/2019 11:00

I don’t know if I am being unfair.

My family seem to have no understanding or consideration. When I raise it with them I’m met with various criticisms they have of me. I could well be the problem, I don’t know.

I have a horrible background with my family - always felt like the odd one out, sibling wasn’t necessarily the favourite but had a specific talent that my parents were obsessed with. I grew up resentful of this - childishly so, probably. I felt left out and made it worse by being a sulky teen, isolating myself more.

I’m an adult now, as is my sibling. My sibling is with a professional who comes from money, she has a low paying job. I have a decent well paying job but live alone and pay for everything myself. Every month is bit of a struggle. My parents are reasonably well off - mum never had to work and they basically lived off inheritance.

I feel constantly left out of things. Like I say, maybe my issue. My parents spend all sorts on holidays with each other, but coming to visit me (around 40 miles away) is too time consuming/too much petrol expense. If I ask why they don’t want to visit, they say they are old now and I should be a good daughter and visit them (they’re both under 60 and travel a lot outside the uk). They don’t go and see my sibling much either, who also lives 50 miles from them, but they are far more willing to meet her for lunch where they pay.

For my dad’s birthday they are going to stay 200 miles from where I live and 15 miles from my sibling. I don’t think this is intentional but when I said i would struggle to afford this, they turned down the idea of a separate birthday lunch with me due to the expense. I offered to pay and they said ok, but haven’t bothered to finalse a date for it with me, despite me asking when suits them.

I feel left out of stuff i guess and maybe that’s a result of childhood experiences than the reality of how it is today. Is this normal adult stuff and AIBU to feel hurt?

OP posts:
pippistrelle · 04/01/2019 12:15

It's hard to know whether you are justified or not in considering that you are being excluded because we only have your perspective and it can be difficult to be clear-sighted about family dynamics.

From the information you've given, it doesn't really sound like you're being deliberately excluded. What it does sound like is that you would have liked more from your parents when you were growing up and you would like more now. They may not be capable of this.

What is clear is that you feel as you feel, and maybe you could explore why and how to move past the feeling of lack that it seems to have given you. Or, alternatively, fill your life with other things.

User0000111 · 04/01/2019 12:49

Just feel bruised and bartered whenever I leave their company. I’ve always been the odd one out.

OP posts:
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