Internet dating - How can a single dad create a profile to get noticed amongst everyone else?

[libtles]

I'm 35, and a single Dad to a 5 year old boy. I find it increasingly tough to meet new woman as I get older. I don't meet any woman in my line of work, I have long stopped doing the pubbing/clubbing scene, and most of my friends are either settled down or live far away these days. I find internet dating is my only way of meeting woman these days. I hate it though. Its so demoralising sending messages and having no one respond to them. I do get some responses don't get me wrong but you have to get a lot of no responses before you get a response. I went on dates with two ladies last year who I chatted to online. For one reason or the other neither dates worked out or were suitable. I took myself off the two dating sites I was on in November as I knew I wouldn't have time for it over xmas.

I want to start online dating again though. I'm just wondering what it is woman actually look for on internet dating?
Lets be honest. Internet dating; is it all about looks? I'm an average looking guy but I'm not no Tom Hardy.
Lots of profile pics or just a few? What type of photos?

I normally write a few paragraphs on my profile just explaining my status, my interests, etc, but I don't feel anyone even reads this as hardly anyone ever makes mention in messages of the things I write down.

And what sort of ice breaker messages are the best approach? I do try and take the time and effort to read people's profiles and write something in relation to the users profile but as I say most of the time you get no response.

Hi @libtles I often swipe on guys profiles and think I'd love to help them as there profiles are shit!! I would say the first thing is to have maybe 5/6 pictures that are realistic of you and what you like doing. Things that turn me off a profile by pics are football pics, pics with loads of people in them, filters, all pics with kids one is ok but not all topless pics.

As regards the profile I don't think you need to say much other than what you looking for. If you don't smoke I'd also mention this and possibly height as this seems to be a thing lol.

Hope this helps. I'm happy to help

Well, it is a game of numbers, really.

I will give my personal opinion, as a 35 single mom haha

For photos, I hate bathroom selfies and gym/workout ones. No to naked/underwear, or photos of your cat. Use photos where your face is visible (no sunglasses), I like to see people's smiles.

I think what you mention about your peofile sounds good. Make clear you have a DC. Talk a bit about your hobbies and personality. I think you are fine there.

About line openers I do the same as you. I take something from the profile to engage conversation. That is good for me. I don't reply to "hey", "what's up" and "how are you doing" though. "You are gorgeous", "you have amazing eyes" etc sound ridiculous too.

What is your main complain about your profile the % of replies? I think that it works like that for men. I hardly write first, just answer messages of people I think may be interesting, and there are enough. I am not that attractive. It sounds like you are doing it right, it is just the way it is.

Lots of pics.
Of YOU! At your current age.
I couldn't give a shiny shite what someone looked like 10 years ago or when they were a kid.
Nothing holding a fish, deep sea diving, wearing lycra, etc....
Ensure that in most pics your eyes and teeth can be seen.
I want a happy smiley person, not a misery.
If I don't see a smile I'm assuming they have very bad teeth or are just plain miserable.
If I can't see the eyes then I'm assuming they are shifty or just horrible.
Not sure about others, and as I am older it's a bit different, but no jewellery.
No big necklaces and certainly no earrings.

For me it's not all about looks (ironic, after what I've just typed!)
If they can't even be asked to write anything in the profile section then it's an immediate swipe left.
It shows either arrogance or complete lack of writing skills.
I want to know a bit about what they do.
Their marital status.
If they have kids and how old they are.
What they like to do for hobbies.
What sort of music they are into?
How long they've been single.
Do you have some 'me' time to be with friends etc....?
Try and make the profile fun in places.
And for the love of god, do NOT use the word BANTER anywhere.

For openers, I tend to like something that makes me laugh.
Hi - is not OK and will be ignored.
You look hot - will be ignored.
How are you still single - will be ignored.
Fancy a cuddle? - will be ignored
Endless messaging is not OK.
Get to know each other over a couple of days then set up a date to meet.
Bad grammar is a no no for me. But again, you are younger so maybe text speak OK????

Like others have said clear photos, that are less than a year old. I would say minimum of five photos, variety is best. No photos with your son.

I ALWAYS read the bio. Write about your hobbies and interests. Don't write any thing negative (no long lists of what you're not looking for).

Honestly I think it's a numbers game unfortunately. Perseverance is key, good luck.

This is interesting because my friend has just joined match.com and is struggling. Within an hour of posting her profile, 300 men had viewed it, but only 3 had added her as a favourite. Now I thought 3 in an hour was pretty good going, but it’s dented her confidence and she’s suspended her account.

I will pass on these tips to her!

Pics again - vest tops - NO!
Laying in bed topless - NO!
Working out at the gym - NO!

I've never done it but I'm a bit confused with what's wrong with saying hi?

What's wrong with a photo of a man holding a fish? I'd much rather see genuine photos of a person doing what they like doing then staged mirror shots or selfies

All of the above and stop saying “WOMAN” , it’s women.

When I was online dating I got so many messages when online that I probably was harsher than I would be normally. I only messaged people or replied to those who sent me a proper message, didn’t use text speak and had a proper profile, not just a list of things they didn’t want. I always read the profile and I did tend to be more interested in those I had things in common with. Always put something more than ‘gym’ or ‘football’ in hobbies too as it gave me little to go on - what movies do you like or what food do you enjoy etc.

I disliked group shots, topless photos, photos where a woman had clearly been cropped out and ‘moody’ bathroom shots. Just smile! I wouldn’t discount the person completely for this, but when you are inundated you can be a bit more choosy I guess.

Holding a big fish is just gross.
I really don't like it.
They have been sitting on a bank by a river, for hours, with a big metal hook dangling in the water just waiting for a poor fish to hook itself on it.
Then they've taken it out of it's environment where it can't breathe, just for a photo op!
Nope - Yeuk!
Don't like seeing pics of a man holding a gun of any sort either.
Just not for me I'm afraid.

Hi = no imagination at all.
Probably haven't bothered to read your Bio.
Not really trying to entice you in now is it!?
Anyone can say Hi.
I get loads of messages a day saying Hi.
It just doesn't stand out from the crowd and the OP wanted tips on getting noticed! Doing the same as everyone else will NOT get you noticed!

I think getting two actual dates from OLD is pretty good going, actually, so you must have been doing something right - it just happened that the women you met weren't right for you. It is a numbers game, and you just have to keep trying.

In terms of being a dad - don't put profile pics of you with your child. It sounds harsh, but in the early stages of dating someone I wouldn't expect their children to be a factor in the relationship. By that I mean, I wouldn't expect to meet them or have any involvement with them for at least the first few months - I would obviously know that you had to fit any dates around your childcare responsibilities. A brief mention that you have a child in your profile is not a problem, but I find the phrase "my kids are my world" really offputting, as it implies that the person doesn't have time for anything else and I'll hardly ever see him!

Pictures - as pp have said, something recent where you're smiling and your face isn't obscured by sunglasses and/or hats. No bathroom or bedroom selfies and definitely no sexy scowls, which I've seen on a worrying number of profiles recently.

In your profile, please don't use any of the following phrases:
"Is anybody on here genuine?" (translation: nobody is replying to any of my messages)
"I'm sick of shallow people"
"Not looking for a penpal"
"If we match, you message first"
Or anything that's a big long list of qualities you don't want. What you want to be doing is letting everyone know what you have to offer and what sort of things you enjoy doing.

No topless photos
One gym selfie max
No stupid dog ears or filters
Smile
Don't have 10 unsmiling selfies all stood in the same place
Photos should be of you and should clearly show your face
Don't be negative in what you write
High standard of spelling and grammar
Don't use the words banter or lol, or use text speak