Need some advice please!

[DailyHecticAntics]

Hi, this may be long but don’t want to drip feed later. I was with my ex for 15 years, got together in our teenage years. I had had a turbulent childhood and thought he was my saviour, so to speak. Things where generally ok though he has always been quite controlling, slept with several people, in and out of work and smoked cannibas daily, leading to money struggles. Due to my mental health and poor self esteem, I allowed this to continue and felt. Dry grateful he was with me, which I realise was crazy!! We had children and plodded along. After being a SAHM mum for 10 yrs, I began working full time. He found it difficult that I was becoming confident in myself, meeting new people and good at my job. He constantly accused me of cheating and he became physically aggressive by pushing/shoving etc and many holes in walls/doors. I was constantly on egg shells and felt I had to have sex with him daily as he would make me feel guilty and that I was sleeping with, well anyone with a penis quite honestly! After a health issue, related to stress,I realised how bad things had got and decided to end my marriage.
He continued to be EA and controlling after this and would bombard me regularly. He has now met someone else, this I thought was the end to the shit. However, he now wants to play dad. My 7&8 year olds do not want to see him and are aware of his anger etc. He feels I am ‘poisoning their minds’ and he will be picking them up as he ‘has rights’ he does not financially support them and it is my feeling that he wants to do this for the benefit of his new gf. I have sought legal advice, to get a contact order and injunction in place. I don’t qualify for legal aid and I’m saving for these orders. Is there anything I can do in the meantime? Really sorry for the long post, feels good to write it all down. Thanks

I don't have any advice I'm sorry. But didn't want to read and ignore.

U sound like u have everything sorted. Maybe ur solicitor could advice what to do in the mean time.

Hope everything gets sorted

No advice sorry but huge congratulations on getting out of this horrendous relationship - must have taken a lot of determination and courage. Hope you get the injunction in place soon.

I agree with above, explain everything to your solicitor.

Sounds like splitting from him was 100% the right thing to do, good luck with your new life and with 2019

He hasn't "got rights". It's whatever's in the children's best interests ie their rights, not his. Not sure why you have to apply for the contact order? Surely if you just stop contact altogether, he would have to make an application to court if he wanted to see them?

If he is coming to the door and harrassing you, you should report it to the police.

Legal advice needed.
💐 good luck

Thank you! I have had some sessions with a lovely woman through woman’s aid and have been advised to ring the police if he turns up at my home. I do wish I’d done that earlier but didn’t want the DCs to witness that. The contact order is so he can’t just turn up and take them as there’s nothing in place at present. I work long hours and worry he’ll do that after they finish school. I did call the police on one occasion when he was drunk and kicking the door down. When they turned up he cried and stated he just wanted to see his kids he didn’t, he was grilling me. The police officer sympathised with him. I wholeheartedly respect my DCs wishes and know it will not benefit them to have contact with him.

Have this moved to legal op.

The courts are very pro-contact with fathers. If you have genuine concerns that he will be a risk to your children, you can ask the court for supervised contact. This is a horrible can of worms, but unless you have solid evidence that your ex would harm the children, there is very little you can do about stopping him seeing them.