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Original poster

Help me over analyse this situation ...

26 replies

Justme1981 · 03/01/2019 21:52

So I'm a single mum, on NYE ds was with his dad, I got bit tipsy & decided to sign up to a paid dating site. One of the first matches it suggested was a lovely male colleague, we've worked together closely in the past & got along v well but now just see each other in passing due to changes in role. After agonising over it I messaged him. No reply, so I assumed he doesn't like me. I can see he has seen my message & profile day after, ok fine so i sent another message back tracking & saying i hope he meets someone lovely, also no reply.
Next day he came bounding across to speak to me at lunch, chatted & flirted abit. Didn't mention the messages as i was with my friend who was trying v hard not to die of laughter. I'd told her about the messsges but not who it was. When he left she instantly knew who it was & is utterly convinced he likes me. I've still had no messages from him, & I have cancelled my account as I really didnt like online dating (not because of him) so its driving me nuts, i don't see him regularly at work to ask him, does he like me or not???!! Anyone any ideas? & what do i do? Ps am in late thirties although aware this makesme sound like a teenager !!

OP posts:
whatsthepointthen · 03/01/2019 23:02

Sounds like he was winding you up when he came over He obviously doesnt feel the same hence no response.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 03/01/2019 23:14

I think he’s just trying to make sure you can work together without being awkward.
The flirting might be to show you are both on the same page.
Ingnore from now on.
If he is properly interested he’ll let you know over the next few weeks,

Getoffthetableplease · 03/01/2019 23:19

Oh that is odd! I'd smile and let him lead any convo if you see him at work but put it all to the back of your mind as a ball in his court, what will be will be.

OccasionallyIncomplet · 03/01/2019 23:48

Some dating sites allow you to join for free, but you have to pay to read/send messages. It's possible he wasn't a paying member, so couldn't reply to you?

Original poster
Justme1981 · 04/01/2019 08:31

Thanks everyone! Good point that he may not have been able to read my messages, I'm definitely just going to leave it & see what happens if anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme1981 · 04/01/2019 08:57

I don't think he was winding me up, he made an effort to come speak to me when he could have easily avoided & i think he is quite a genuine person

OP posts:
TheStoic · 04/01/2019 09:42

I think it’s a good sign he spoke to you in person.

Forget about the online dating thing. If this were me, I’d manufacture ways to chat to him privately, and then sound him out for meeting up for a drink.

PikaPikaTink · 04/01/2019 13:20

If you know him in real life then why bother with a dating app? Can you engineer another "chance meeting" and see how he reacts?

Original poster
Justme1981 · 04/01/2019 15:20

Yes i think im going to have to increase the odds of a chance meeting! Ive now cancelled my subscription to the app Smile

OP posts:
AbbieDabbieDoo · 04/01/2019 15:56

Is it one of the sites where you can't reply to messages unless you have a paid account? I can't remember which site it was that did this when I was OLD, but could it potentially be that he's received the messages, not had a paid account and didn't see the point in paying to reply as he knew that he'd see you at work, then wanted to say something when he saw you but didn't because your friend was there?

I think if you were to see him on your own he may steer the conversation that way, or you could say something like, "I hope I haven't crossed any lines or embarrassed you by sending that message - I just thought it might be nice to grab a coffee together sometime". The worst he can say is no!

Original poster
Justme1981 · 04/01/2019 16:40

Abbiedabbiedoo - yes it is one of those sites, thinking about it properly that is probably what's happened, as its a bit weird to ignore me then make an effort to speak to me!

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 04/01/2019 16:43

Just put it behind you Justme, there are plenty more fish in the sea with whom you do not work :-). He won't say anything about it (unless he decides he wants to pursue it), So try and forget.

Good luck with someone else Flowers.

DoctorManhattan · 04/01/2019 18:10

As above, some of those sites charge for reading the messages. So he may have seen them come from you (and have some awareness you’re interested as some sites show a 1 or 2 line preview of the message) but not been able to read the whole thing and just chose to speak to you directly in work instead. Either way I suspect there is some interest there on his part so why don’t you pursue it?

Original poster
Justme1981 · 04/01/2019 18:25

I don't know how to pursue it, Other than try to bump into him at work which is a challenge! (But has been suggested by a colleague) we work in a hospital but in different areas

OP posts:
Musti · 04/01/2019 18:49

Also he may not be active on the site.

Original poster
Justme1981 · 04/01/2019 19:21

True

OP posts:
Musti · 04/01/2019 19:24

I'd just mention to him that you had spotted him on a dating site and see what he says.

Original poster
Justme1981 · 09/02/2019 20:35

Hi All

I just thought i would update: he couldnt see my messages as doesnt subscribe to that site 🤦‍♀️ after attempting to bump into him for weeks my friend who works closely with him attempted to set us up - but he got v confused!! I ended up emailing him asking of if it was ok to email an explanation, which it was, i explained & asked if he would like to go for a drink - waaay out of my comfort zone!! Anyway he said yes!! Am now ridiculously nervous about going for a drink with him & am trying to decide if wearing my favourite dress is too much! ☺

OP posts:
Sassypants82 · 09/02/2019 20:41

Awh fantastic!! Well done OP & I hope you have an amazing date Smile

CocoKoko123 · 09/02/2019 20:44

Great update!wear your favourite dress if you feel comfortable in it.dependent on where you are meeting you can dress it down with a cardi and flats if needed.good luck x

Original poster
Justme1981 · 10/02/2019 08:22

Thank you both, yes i think i will need to dress it down abit! ☺ thank you again for the good luck - i feel like i need it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justme1981 · 14/02/2019 07:16

Further update: we had a lovely date last night & hes asked me for a second date 😊 no kiss though! Just a hug at the end - is that normal? Not dated for a very long time so not sure!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/02/2019 12:30

Totally normal, especially if you're colleagues. He may not want to overstep the mark for fear of repercussions at work and/or actually having some respect for you!

Glad it went well and enjoy your second date!

Original poster
Justme1981 · 14/02/2019 12:58

Thank you! I guess im over thinking it! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
SheRaa · 14/02/2019 13:31

Sounds like the perfect end to the story & potentially a new beginning in the pipeline!

Good luck OP.

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