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Original poster

Feel used and embarrassed

26 replies

Enoughallready24 · 03/01/2019 20:39

Hello
I recently started talking to someone who I grew up with. We have always chatted in the years.
we was chatting away great and then he came on so strong, saying how he’s always like me, he’s blown away by me, how beautiful I am. All he wanted to do was make me smile and treat me like a princess. He was calling me and we were chatting for hours. Constantly texting, and him always asking when we were going to meet up.
was really lovely. it took me a bit to admit I felt the same and it carried on fine.
He did say he wanted to not rush things as he has a lot going on, he’s moved back home, quit his job, seeing a therapist but was on the right track and he feels really happy now.
He was even giving me advice on how to love myself. I felt great that he told me.
i agreed we should take it slow too but meet up and see how we both felt. Still carrying on chatting.
then comes New Years and still chatting he was been lovely and wishing me all the best for 2019 and I said you too and excited to see what happens.
then I’ve heard nothing, I text him the next day and got nothing back.
i then rang him the next day, got nothing back.
I then text him and said it was just a catch up and was everything ok and had I done something. Nothing back.
i then sent a huge heartfelt text about how I wasn’t ready for a relationship yet and was looking forward to seeing where it was going. I said I was about taking chances and how sometimes you just got to go for it. I said I wear my heart in my sleeve and that it was my biggest downfall. I then said how fantastic he was and if this is t what he wanted to at least just tell me it wasn’t what he wanted as I said I felt completely in the dark. I said it’s not nice feeling like this and just wanted to know what I’d done wrong. I then apologised and just asked either way for him to contact me.
nothing again.
i did however last night get a bit drunk and text him how georgous he is , then before bed just ask him again why was he doing this as it’s really not nice and we have known each other 25 years and to loose a friendship over this would be silly. I said how gutted I was this has all happened and hoped we could talk.
again nothing.
then to top it off this morning I sent my last attempt of I’m so embarrassed, humiliated and again just want to know, I said how gutted I was and sorry if I had done something wrong. I also asked him out of kindness to not repeat to people what I had told him as I’m already embarrassed enough. I then told him that was my last text and wished him well in getting himself back on track. And told him to take care.

i just don’t understand how someone can not reply when they can see how embarrassed I am and hurt. Even if it’s to tell me to go and do one. I honestly feel like I’m loosing my mind. It’s all I can think about. I feel like a laughingstock and that everyone we went to school with now will know. I really have no idea what to do, I just don’t want to feel like this and really want him to just contact me. I also feel like a complete bunny boiler.
any advice would really help.
thank you x

OP posts:
Temporaryanonymity · 03/01/2019 20:44

Honestly, just delete his number and move on.

YellowStickRoad · 03/01/2019 20:45

So it's been less than three days? He may have lost his phone, got flu or something.

He may also be ignoring, it does seem strange. I would try to get on with work, hobbies, see friends etc. If he wants to contact you then he will. It's best to only send one text or call if you don't hear, that way you don't act ott tbh. But I think you know that already.

Ball is in his court, leave it now.

whatsthepointthen · 03/01/2019 20:46

Errr after the last similar thread maybe he just lost his phone?!

Sounds all to much tbh with the constant texts just how many times did you text him?

Orange6904 · 03/01/2019 20:48

Sounds like he's had a lot going on? Could he be ill or anything? Any family/friends to ask?

MrsTerryPratcett · 03/01/2019 20:49

You haven't even met recently and you're investing this much in it?

This is not about him, it's about you. What hole is he filling? Because you need to fill it yourself before you look for a relationship. It sounds like he's the same BTW with all the heartfelt protestations over chat.

Keep your heart safer in future and try to work out why you reacted this way.

Isadora2007 · 03/01/2019 20:50

Is he okay? Have you checked online that he is around- given his obvious MH condition etc I’d actually be a bit worried.

costacoffeecup · 03/01/2019 20:50

Oh gosh. Stop texting him, please. Agree with delete his number so you can't anymore.

sirmione16 · 03/01/2019 20:51

Yeah I feel you may have over done it.... hopefully he has lost his phone or something and will never read all those messages and you can start again!

Wait for the explanation, but if it doesn't come then he's not worth your heartache. Yes it's time wasted, but we move on. Don't spend yet another day grovelling over him. Go live your life.

Original poster
Enoughallready24 · 03/01/2019 20:52

He was messaging me 6 times in a row before I could even reply.
He hasn’t lost his phone as he is on WhatsApp.
In total I text 5 times in 4 days and nothing. I know it’s proper bunny boiler but when someone is pouring there heart out and then it all stops I just felt completely used.
Just wanted a reason, believe me I’ve beaten myself up enough over the 5 texts.
The thing is he started it all , 4/5 texts in a row 3 missed calls, so it’s kind of pot calling kettle black!

OP posts:
Therighthonourable · 03/01/2019 20:52

Never message after not getting a reply to your first message! It just makes you look crazy.

Ozziewozzie · 03/01/2019 20:53

Once you’ve sent a text or texts, you can’t get them back, so what is done is done.
He’s either lost his phone or broken it and will be in contact as soon as he can,
Or, he met someone else New Year’s Eve,
Or he’s simply not ready to take your friendship further but doesn’t know how to say it so is burying his head in the sand.
Time will tell, as I’m sure your paths will cross.

SuperSuperSuper · 03/01/2019 20:54

He's probably changed his mind and is too cowardly to tell you. That's the most likely explanation. In which case, you've had a close shave.

But...I think that if he's genuinely lost or damaged his phone and sees those messages when he gets back on, he'll be pretty exasperated and put off, OP.

Don't be too hard on yourself but it's a lesson learnt.

Honeyroar · 03/01/2019 20:54

I don't understand why people do this either, but they seem to frequently. Al, you can do is delete his number and move on, knowing that you have done nothing wrong. He's got no gossip to tell anyone, nobody will be talking about you. Just keep your dignity and don't contact him anymore.

I suspect he's not quite as on his feet and happy as he suggested and isn't as far on with the therapy as he said.

BumbleBeee69 · 03/01/2019 20:54

ask someone to take the bloody phone out of your hands ?! stop chasing this Clown, and bloody block him !?

Original poster
Enoughallready24 · 03/01/2019 20:57

I’ve deleted all messages and his number.

OP posts:
whatsthepointthen · 03/01/2019 20:58

Oh dear then its probably because you came on too strong.

maximumcarnage · 03/01/2019 20:59

Really, really strange behaviour. I’d like to think there’s a rational explanation but having read many, many threads this does seem to happen with alarming frequency. I’d like to think there’s a logical explanation?

Of course you don’t hear anything so your mind starts mulling it over. Probably review every message, worry if something was said or indeed not said. More silence. A rising panic. Air of desperation. Jump every time your phone dings. Heart races, do a dive across the room to grab your phone. Yeah. We’ve all been there.

I’ve gotten so hung on messaging people you lose sanity and perspective. Takes a lot of effort and will power to force yourself not to message. It’s hard. Especially when your emotionally invested. Day at a time OP.

SparklyMagpie · 03/01/2019 21:01

Thank God for that! Do not contact anymore

Mentally I hope he's ok, but this is no good for either of you

Original poster
Enoughallready24 · 03/01/2019 21:02

Believe me I feel even worse.
He started all of this.
I just wanted answers. More fool me.

OP posts:
deadliftgirl · 03/01/2019 21:03

I am glad to read that you have since deleted this mans number.

The first few lines of your original post really worried me. I was even glad he stopped talking to you because he sounded like a total freak. I am sorry but you deserve a normal, great, hard working guy who will worship you. The men who come on strong to soon are often the ones you should run and I mean run away from.

When I was single, I was once chatting with a guy much similar to the way you were. He told me all sorts of sweet things and then the day he was supposed to come and meet me, he never showed. I was humiliated. In the end, I believe he prayed on vulnerable women who were insecure. As I was very very insecure in my younger years.

I am since married and happy, secure and confident in myself. You need to work on you and loving you and trust me the right guy will come along when you least expect it.

Orange6904 · 03/01/2019 21:09

Yeah I think when people come on that strong at the start it's a bad sign as it's probably something to do with them rather than you, they are projecting something onto you.

tootruetoyou · 03/01/2019 21:10

If it is any comfort to you l had a fling with a guy and when he contacted me for another session l turned him down but l did it in the most sickly, creepy way because l was trying to tell him how much l liked him. 4 years later and it still makes me cringe but lesson learnt. There's nothing you can do now except try to move on. He probably isn't giving this half as much thought as you even if he has seen the messages. I know the feeling of shame is horrible so sending you lots of support.

PolkaDoting · 03/01/2019 21:20

Any bloke who wants to treat you like a ‘princess’ is bound to be a twat.

Original poster
Enoughallready24 · 03/01/2019 22:01

Thanks for the advice! Post deleted.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 03/01/2019 22:07

I'm with @PolkaDoting

Well done for deleting.....

If he pops up again you know the drill!