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Relationships

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Original poster

50 and wants to be a father

17 replies

Nessabban · 03/01/2019 19:17

Hi,ever since the passing of a relative,I have decided to I need to get my life in order.In the past year,I have decided to lose weight and have lost 6st.This is the easy bit but can't seem to get the women.

The thing is also,I have yearning to be a father.The problem is that I haven't had these yearning before but I used to go out with an ex who had 4 daughters.The youngest was only 6.At the time,I got on really well with all of them.

The oldest one left and I only saw her a couple of times.I seen the other girls whilst I was with their mother.Their dad didn't want them (he was 60 when the youngest was born).As I got to know them more,I really started to fall in love with them.I also started to fall out of love with the ex.I would also say that she was 10yrs older than me.

We got back together for a while.I still loved the girls but also loved her but she wanted to see someone else.

I kept in touch with the second oldest but started putting on the weight,also lost my job,mental health due downstairs neighbour banging up due to noise and fed up of life..

Last August,I lost my mum,which hit me hard and left the area for work and also to get my head sorted.The doc that I had seen told me that I was on type 2 diabetes. So,I decided to loose the weight

About 2 months ago,I was in a bar have a drink when this girl came up to me put her arms around me and said that I was the best father that she could have
It took a while but it was my ex's youngest daughter. We hugged and chatted for a while and I started to cry.I left then met the second youngest daughter as well.Starting to talk and cry again,it made me realise about having kids.

I have been single for 10years now and realise that I have missed out a lit of life.

Is it too late or do you think I should go for it?..

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 03/01/2019 19:21

The problem is...a woman of childbearing age will be a lot younger than you.

I don't mean to be mean...but why what would be the attractive for a thirtysomething year old woman.

SandyY2K · 03/01/2019 19:22

the attraction

JK1773 · 03/01/2019 19:24

It might not be too late. I’m 44 and for reasons I won’t bore you with I have no children. If I met the right guy I’d be tempted to try but time runs out for us women and my time is probably about done sadly. Good luck to you tho

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 03/01/2019 19:28

The problem is...a woman of childbearing age will be a lot younger than you

Women having babies in their 40s isn't uncommon now.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 03/01/2019 19:34

If you find a woman to have a partnership with, you need to love her and want to be with her, not just want a mother for a baby.

SandyY2K · 03/01/2019 20:04

Women having babies in their 40s isn't uncommon now.

No it's not.... but female fertility declines quicker.

If a man wants a child...going for a 40something year old woman isn't a smart move.

Add in the fact that men’s fertility also starts to decline around age 45 years.

BrendasUmbrella · 03/01/2019 20:21

Is it possible that you could reconnect with your stepchildren? It sounds like they are still fond of you. Maybe invite them round for dinner and a catch-up?

Absolutely look into dating, and maybe even be upfront and state that you are interested in having a family, but it's just one of those things that doesn't work out for everyone. I know it's trite, but maybe try volunteering with the elderly, or fostering cats or dogs, or something to satisfy your nurturing instincts.

Congratulations on your weightloss by the way!

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 03/01/2019 20:23

The problem is...a woman of childbearing age will be a lot younger than you.

I cannot tell you how many women I know who have met, married and had children with men 10, 15 or more years older than them.

I would say don't focus on finding someone who can have children with you at the moment, you could rule out the perfect woman and the chance to be really happy, if your main criterion is that she must be able to give you a baby of your own.

Just focus on getting your life back on track and dating again. Well done on the weight loss - that will give you a new lease of life and a confidence boost. If you are a nice, decent chap there will be someone out there for you. Maybe they will want to have a baby or maybe they will come with a ready made family already and you can be a great stepdad.

Maybe if you meet a partner who is too old for a baby, you might consider becoming foster parents together. There are many, many children who need a loving father figure in their lives.

pyjamama · 03/01/2019 20:26

Maybe if you meet a partner who is too old for a baby, you might consider becoming foster parents together. There are many, many children who need a loving father figure in their lives.

^this

PatPhoenix · 03/01/2019 20:28

I don't think it's too late. There are lots of women who would like to have a child with a man who really wants a family - and you even have some experience of family life - I'd be a bit more wary of someone who'd decided they wanted a child but had barely ever seen one!

Knowing what you want and what matters to you is really, really important. Just make sure you don't end up in an abusive relationship because there are abusive women out there. Date and be open about wanting a family, I've seen lots of dating profiles of men who say this. Also pursue hobbies, they are always a good way of meeting more women.

Very best of luck to you, I hope you get your heart's desire. I did. I'll warn you, the fairy tales aren't wrong, the heart's desire often isn't straightforward. But I'd choose it again, even knowing what I know.

KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin · 03/01/2019 20:28

In fact, I am not sure how/if it's possible as a single man and obviously there would need to be rigorous police checking etc, but could you possibly even foster alone?

Bombardier25966 · 03/01/2019 20:29

I'm younger and wouldn't bat an eyelid about dating a 50 year old, it doesn't feel particularly old nowadays. And I know men who have fathered children into their sixties, and are now watching those children go to university.

Go for it OP. Good luck!

Bombardier25966 · 03/01/2019 20:30

A lone man would be subject to the same level of checks as any other fostering applicant.

carly2803 · 03/01/2019 20:35

I am in my 30s - and wouldnt bat an eyelid about dating someone in their 50s.....i prefer older men.!!

so yes look younger if you want children tbh....

TatianaLarina · 03/01/2019 20:39

If you focus on women in their late 30s who want kids and need to get on with it - you might get lucky.

Do you have a job now, if you don’t mind my asking? That’s fairly key.

Original poster

Nessabban · 06/01/2019 02:04

Hi,thanks to all the posters for their messages.

I have taken on board your suggestions and ideas.I have decided to talk to as many women as possible and see what happens.

The thing is that before i wasn't too bothered to be single now i am.I do feel time is running out and if it never happens then so be it but if I can put the odds in my favour then maybe something might happen.

I have started to use old more often and also going to pubs and just say hello to build up confidence as I think that this is my main issue..

Thanks once again for your advice.Much appreciated...

OP posts:

pissedonatrain · 06/01/2019 02:46

Just because you physically can, doesn't mean you should. You've had health issues. Older fathers have more risk of children with autism, schizophrenia, etc. Imagine having and 10 year old and you die from a heart attack or something. Really not fair to the child.

You helped raise your ex's 4 girls. You've got a great chance at being a grandfather. I'd nurture the relationships with them.

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