How to get over an ex

[Ellalovescake]

I split up with my partner at the beginning of last month and I feel so lost and sad all the time and still miss him all of the time. I was with him for just over 5 years and I really believe that he was the love of my life. I can’t imagine my future without him and just want to be close to him. I haven’t seen him since we split up and I’m not on any social media so I don’t know what he’s up to on a day to day basis. I would really appreciate any advice on how to move on?

Take heart dear OP. Breaking up is one of the hardest things to go through, be it amicable or not. The good thing is, you're not on social media therefore you won't be tempted to have a sneaky snoop.
When I split up with my exH, I went on holidays, took my mind off things. I spent time with family and friends and used work as another form of distraction. Now, the only healer is time, it gradually heals the pain and makes him a distant memory. I know it's easier said than done given how recent your split is, but it works and don't restrict your dating scene, yes take some time to heal, but life moves on and I hope you do the same eventually. Take it easy, you will be just fine . X

Thank you so much for your lovely reply! I think having a holiday may help, that’s a really good idea! I just feel like my whole body aches I miss him so much. This time of year doesn’t help either. Everyone else seemed so happy at Christmas and all I wanted was him!

Ah this is so tough. Been there, been heartbroken beyond belief. Fab that you’re not on social media. Above all else, resist all urge to contact him no matter how strong the urge is. Sit on your hands. Look up “no contact” online. Every contact with him will set you back. Believe you will be happy again, see friends and plan holidays and nice things. Time will heal

Been there a few times. Try and have a plan for each day, something to look forward to...good tv prog, good food, phone call to a friend/family, walk in the sun, good book etc. Write a treat down in a diary so there is something on each day, no matter how small.

Take one day at a time, live in that day, don't worry about future.

Plan your weekends...cinema, meet friend/s, a meal out, shopping and coffee, gym, swimming, long walks etc.

Plan future...a holiday, weekend away, start a new pastime, go to a class in the evenings, plan days out in the summer, see what's coming up at the theatre, buy tickets for a gig, buy a bike etc.

Change your furniture around, get new clothes and/or bedding, redecorate, buy houseplants...anything to mark out a new life.

Basically keep busy, it's ok to have times when you won't want to do anything or go out...play music, watch tv, a long bath with an early night in clean bed clothes, pamper yourself etc.

What helped me was buying a book full of puzzles which kept my mind occupied for chunks of time. A friend bought an intricate colouring book to do the same.

One day you will realise you have built a new life and turned a corner. It will happen. In the meantime keep your mind focussed on you and the things you enjoy.

Thank you both so much for your replies! The colouring book and puzzle books are such good ideas, so thank you for those! It does make me feel a little better knowing that other people have gone through the same thing and have managed to be happy again. I’m trying my best not to contact him. He has sent me a few texts as I have been quite unwell but I haven’t replied as I think I’ll just want to see him if I do. Once again, thank you all so much!

Just remember that if you contact him you are giving him power to hurt you again. Because you will have to start all over again trying to get on without him. You will feel like you gave in. There won't be any benefit to you.

You will feel awful when you realise you have set yourself back, sick inside and probably confused. It's too easy to remember the good bits and go back to a relationship which has run its course...and it wouldn't work in the long term, just waste recovery time.

I've done it...gone back to sticking my head in the sand, and the outcome was more of the good times, yes, but the bad bits came crashing back in the end. And more of my life/time lost on something which wasn't ever going to work...much as we both wanted it to.

You are doing well, keep it up...remember more contact will probably lead you to feel more heartache than you do already. Is it worth it?

Yes contacting him can also lead to
You having false hope that you will get back together. I’ve done that.. one ex would call me every week and all I would think about for days afterwards was getting back together. It set me back and led to nothing.
Stay strong. You WILL be happy again

Sending a hug your way OP. Break-ups are a grieving process I think and someone told me recently that ignorance is bliss so the fact you don’t have social media means you won’t torture yourself with his day to as activities.

I have broken up with the same guy many times and have done so where we kept in contact which I found to be stressful and anxiety inducing, the best thing for me was NC.

Distractions are the best cure to mending a broken heart, I joined a myriad of groups and clubs to keep my mind occupied.

For me finding out some difficult truths about my ex and the lapse of time has helped me immensely and I am now at intermediate French speaking level, can ride a motorbike and am generally much happier than when I was with him.