Mum criticises my husband

[mammaF16]

I am posting here as I don't know where to turn. I love my mum dearly but if she spends any length of time with my family she just criticises my husband. He is not perfect, no one is, but I am happy and always have been with him. We have a little boy who he dotes on and he accepts my family.

Anything he does that might not suit my own mums expectation it is wrong and that is all I am told. She tells me he is controlling when I do what I want. I have recently lost some weight which I am happy about but in her mind it is because there is something wrong.

I love my mum and I always want to please her but these comments put me in conflict and utter sadness. My husband is very different from our family but not in a bad way, he can be a little blunt sometimes but that is what he grew up with but he has no nastiness behind him.

I am just at a loss

Whenever she starts to comment on him remind her you love him and she needs to respect your choices - also tell her she is your dm but doesn't have to be your friend -

I love my mum and I always want to please her
This is where you are going wrong.
You are enabling this behaviour.
You need to have your DH back.
When your DM starts to criticise then you need to step in.
'Stop it mum. I love this man and you putting him down is not acceptable.
If you can't hold your tongue then I expect you to leave and you won't be welcome back until you apologise.'
Job done!
If this was a reverse and the poor woman was being subjected to this it would be a similar response.
Stop allowing this to continue.
If you are in her house - Leave immediately.

Your mother is doing this to continue her control over you. Stop allowing it and STOP letting her criticise your husband! That nonsense should be strictly forbidden. It is disrespectful to your husband AND to you. Tell her this will no longer be tolerated and if she dislikes your husband so much she can stay home. End this madness!

You and your husband are a team (or should be). You should be on his side, and your mother is way out of line talking to you like that about him. You have to stop letting her get away with it. You're not a child any more.

Stop trying to please her. She's made you feel unworthy unless you comply and fall in line.

It's called conditions of worth. You seek her approval in order to be accepted.

I would urge you to not tell your mother anything about life. keeps details to the minimum, do not engage in conversation about your husband, when she tried to open up a conversation around criticising him, tell her that you do not want to continue the conversation. I would suggest just distancing yourself from her for a while and hopefully she will get the message.