Opinions?

[newyearnewadventures]

So I've been a bit of a lurker but thought I'd post and open this up for advice / opinions from you gals and guys.

I've been seeing someone for the last 10 months , started out as just fun and friendship with him saying he couldn't have a relationship as he just didn't have the time or money to spare and what he had he wanted it to go to his child. I was happy with that as I have my own child etc. But we would get together, as a fwb type of thing.

Anyway we started seeing more of each other and going out places more, I've met some of his family (sister and cousin) and we go out around his hometown, message everyday etc. anyway a little while ago I said I'd like to give this a shot and see where it goes. I'm not talking meeting the children yet but just be a bit more time together etc. this kinda threw him as I chose completely the wrong time and place (shopping lol) anyway a couple of days later he said he really wanted to make something happen with me and have a relationship but he's also nervous about trying to make a relationship work and and how difficult it can be with kids but he wants to progress to it.

We went out just after Christmas and he was talking about how he's going to take his child away in the summer and if me and mine wanted to come? And how he's had day dreams of us being properly together and meeting his parents etc Though I'm not sure if this was more the drink talking etc..anyway cut to New Years and hardly anything off him. We both had our children over that period but hardly any communication..I asked if he was ok and he said that he was just enjoying father daughter time and was preoccupied with that. But I feel like he's suddenly gone cold and taken a step back.

I know he got really hurt in his last relationship and they were together for a long time and that another reason why he hasn't wanted to jump into things. But I'm wondering if I've forced the relationship now and he's having second thoughts? After all what do they say about if a man says he doesn't want a relationship etc...

I feel like the more he pulls back the more I chase after...just can't resist it!

Any advice / opinions?

Thank you

If he's not ready to be open and honest about his feelings with you 10 months in then he never will be. If he's pulling away then he doesn't really want a more serious relationship with you and it really doesn't matter at which point you asked him how he feels - he would have pulled away anyway.

You have got a "relationship" with him, it just isn't the one you want.
Presumably you want more commitment and involvement from him, interaction between your two families etc?

He's told you what he wants, just casual sex when it's convenient for him. But you haven't listened.

End things with him, find someone who wants the same things as you do. Don't waste any more time on this user.

I know, and he does blow hot and cold with me..but he has been honest with me from the start although I think that when he throws in the going on holiday together and day dreams of a future etc I think that there may be more feelings involved. It's the age old thing really isn't it....I know I should just back off myself but it's so hard to not respond or message etc 🤷‍♀️

You can respond to messages but just stop chasing him.
A desperate woman is not attractive.
Just step back and see what happens next.
STOP CHASING!!!!!

As an example it's this type of thing that makes me wonder?

'I really want to make something happen with you, I want to be with you, but I’m also a bit nervous because I’m getting to a point where I’m almost giving up with trying to make a relationship work. Maybe I’m just shit.. So all I’m trying to say is, if your up for trying to progress to a proper relationship where we spend more time together then I’m well up for it!🤦🏼‍♂.. what am I dribbling on about!!😂. It’s tricky with kids & relationships though..🙄.. just so you know!!😂. Love you.xxxx❤😍😘xxxx'

Men love the chase so you have to be prepared to stop trying and mean it. Wait for him to make the effort, no more texting him first.

You mentioned it may have been the drink talking? I'd say thats a possibility and in the cold light of day he regrets saying it so is pulling back harder. Sorry OP

The blowing hot and cold, the hints of holidays together (with a child you have not even met yet!), his "dreams" of a future life with you.....
These are all ways of keeping you engaged and involved, always hoping that he will fulfil your own dreams.

He's manipulating you, giving you just enough so that you keep thinking things will get better, develop further/better. He's keeping you on the back burner, because what you offer is convenient and pleasant for him.

He's not really interested in you or what you want, only in his own needs. You are wasting your time with him.