Ok, I really need to get this off my chest, it’s been weighing heavily for so long and has now reared it’s head again....
I’m married with 2 young children.
About 3 years ago I Got talking to someone who worked in the same office as me. It’s a big office but I recognised him and him, me. So we got chatting and got on well. This continued for about 3 months.
I knew he liked me, and although I wasn’t interested, i did encourage and enjoy the attention.
Then in June that year, I was out with my team from office when he showed up. He’d had drinks and was quite forward with me. I told him I wasn’t interested but he kept persisting. Eventually he moved in for a kiss. His lips met mine and I panicked, ran out the door and home to my husband. I didn’t mention what had happened.
Next day I text the guy and said that’s it, we couldn’t be friends and we shouldn’t chat anymore as I realise that I’d led him on too much and that I love my husband and don’t want to split up or wreck our home (we have two small kids). I felt sooo guilty for the weeks and months after, but the guy took the message and we didn’t speak again, even when we saw each other in the office.
Thing is my husband is really great and I love him so much. I just liked the attention really for a pathetic and shallow reason - I was really overweight as a teenager and into my 20s so go little attention then, getting attention now that I’ve lost weight is a bit of an unexpected thrill for me. My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with.
Fast forward 3!years and the man involved has emigrated to North America, and I thought my problems had gone and I could relax. However a woman whose kids go the same school our kids go to has hinted she knows something - her cousin works in the same department as the man I was chatting to on train. She’s not said what she knows and I’ve no idea what this man would have told his friends and colleagues about me.
I’m worried now this woman will tell my husband. I have no reason to understand why she would as we’re not close and don’t know her that well but it’s just brought back all the guilt from that night. I don’t know what to do - I feel I should have told my husband after it happened but I was so ashamed I’d encouraged his crush.