If you stayed after a partner cheated...

[Madmozzie]

and the reason was because you had DC, if you hadn't had DC, would you have just walked?

It seems to be much easier to leave a cheat than try to rebuild things (does trust ever really come back?), but DC significantly change the situation. Houses can be sold, assets can be shared, but DC are not so easy to manage without causing some damage. Which is why a lot of ppl 'stay for the kids', I guess.

So if you'd not had to consider DC in the mix, would you have been more likely to leave when you found out instead of putting yourself through the hurt associated with staying with someone who thought so little of your relationship?

I love my DC deeply, but since dday have often thought how much easier it would be to walk away if I hadn't had them. And then I feel guilty and a terrible mother!

H and I are working hard on things and the future is largely positive, (so please no comments on leaving etc) but it hurts every day even after most of a year since dday, even though the infidelity was a long time ago and prekids. I wish I'd known about it at the time, because I'm sure breaking up wouldn't have affected me as long as staying and working things out has.

Sorry it's a bit of a ramble, having one of those days....

Like you OP , I found out the extent of my Hs infatuation/EA a long time after (in my case 11 years after) reading the songs that he wrote about this person and hearing him singing and playing on them (he recorded to CD) was incredibly awful. I think at that moment the light went out somewhat as I would never have believed him capable. If I had found this out at the time I would have left, regardless of whether it was something ‘all in his head’ or not. I have stayed and no longer have our son at home , we do get on ok but it killed my romantic/sexual feelings a great deal. He is I know very sorry but sadly you can’t turn back time and heads and hearts aren’t always aligned

I have two DC. I found out he cheated numerous times in the last 10 years but used the same old excuse 'stay for the kid's that was un till I realised how much of a miserable person I'd become. I looked horrible, never had any enjoyment in anything. I just prodded along. I wasted years of my life and in the end it caused more damage then good to my children and myself. I let this man take control of my life.

Eventually this year, something clicked in my mind after I had surgery. I found out again he cheated and that was it. I told him to leave. Best thing I'd ever done and I wish I did it sooner. Luckily I'm only in my late 20s so I can rebuild my life.