How to approach the ‘’what are we talk?’’

[ChloeLouisr]

Hey guys,

I have been seeing this guy for quite sometime and I was wondering how I could approach the what are talk, like how to include it in the conversation any advice or tips to do this would be great

How long has it been?

Following with interest. I’m annoyed at myself for being such a pathetic girl with a man I’ve been seeing for 3 months. We see each other infrequently due to distance. And really I know the answer, if he wanted to lin me down by now he would have done. But I know I’ll need to have it spelt out to me for me to move on.

My problem is as we don’t see a lot of Each other I’m just enjoying it when we are together and not wanting the talk. And probably cos I won’t like the result!

Be blunt..

I don't know how long quite some time is... but I wouldn't bring it up too soon. But I would make sure I wasn't always free / do my own thing a bit etc.

*pin me down
*spelled out
Late night typing!

Notcoolmum that's exactly the same position as me. Distance etc. Im happy as we are. I can tell he likes me a lot as I do himm at the same time we both value our own lives and space so im not rushing for the talk!

dragonfly that’s where we differ I think. Yes he like a me but if he wanted to be exclusive or committed that would be made clear by now. I’m seeing someone else and about to have the third date... I think he will want to talk about exclusivity at that stage and whilst I like the first man I don’t want to hang on forever or do the ‘pick me’ dance. I assume he’s seeing other people the same as I am... I unmatched him from tinder after he annoyed me but he kept his profile.

And I have too...

@whatsthepointthen it’s been about 8 months and i wish I could be blunt about it but I seem to get chocked up when trying to bring it up with butterflies going mad in my stomache so I end up bottling it

@bigonesmallon3 I have tried I just seem to bottle it as I started to get chocked up and have really bad butterflies

You’re bottling it because it’s natural to think “oh no what if I ruin it or put him off by asking!?!?”

The truth is that if you guys are heading anywhere asking won’t be a problem.

If you never had a future you get to find that out and stop investing in someone who doesn’t see a future with you.

It’s actually win win

Agree with frogs if it’s heading somewhere he won’t be put off, and if it isn’t then at least you know. 8 months is long enough to wait before asking, you need to know where you stand now.

chloe 8 months is a while. Did you meet OLD? Are you both still in the apps. Do you know if he’s seeing other people, are you? How often do you see each other. What did you do for Xmas/nye?

"Bob, it's been 8 months. This is either fizzling out or getting serious; do you have a preference?"

Anything other than an enthusiastic request for being exclusive and I would end it (personally). Eight months is a long time.

8 months seems a long time to not yet know where you stand.

@notcoolmum we have met and known each other for a few years he’s mum is friends with my mum, not on any dating apps if that’s what you mean ? We normally see each other once a week maybe more due to work etc, I am not seeing anyone else don’t think he is either really and we spent most of Christmas/NYE together but our family’s was there so we wasn’t really touchy feels with each other, they know somethings go on with us though

chloe you both sound quite young? It seems like you are seeing each other exclusively. What more do you want to know? I think if you want to be thinking about marriage, kids etc you need to be brave and ask him. Good luck xx

We've been together 10 months, we never had the conversation about what are we but the conversations about let's get a house, the future and everything in between. He calls me his GF and he did this first about 2 months in. We know where we stand with each other so the conversation isn't needed. Do you not feel you know where you are? Is it actually needed?

@beepbeepbop1 I gues i don’t know where I stand no we have never had conversations about future or him saying am his girlfriend etc I guess I just want to know for sure if I am his gf or if it’s not that serious I know this is going to sound weird but they are other lads interested and asking me to go on dates etc but I am turning down because I want to be with for him

How old are you Chloe?

@sleepingstandingup I am 22

Just ask him where he sees himself in 5 years or you guys this time next year.

Why don't your famy know?

If you feel choked up when you want to talk about it you could always write down how up feel in a letter. Let him know your feelings and maybe where you see you both and ask him questions in the letter if you have any.