To envy his new target (which is absolutely ridiculous!)

[Loka123]

I left a NPD (narcissistic guy about a year into the relationship (he was very devalue-y but kept holding onto me but eventually I had enough of his inconsiderate, hypocritical, controlling behaviours that I ended it - he got very "upset" (i.e. ego bruised about it), blocked me on all social media etc and said he didn't want to be friends with me, called me a cheat, etc.

Then about 2 months later (during which time I have strong suspicions he isn't single based on some quite hidden social media interaction with a female), he'd text randomly e.g. just "..." and then he unblocked me on whatsapp and tried saying hello, how are you etc., then unblocked me on fb (around the same time he tried to hack into my fb), would consistently send me memes he thinks I'd find funny, compliment my pics, tell me how much he misses me, tells me he's been totally single since we broke up (hmmmm..), how I'm special, etc., gets possessive and controlling about any slightly revealing pics I had on social media, kept saving pics of ME that I had put up and would send it back to me, kept bugging me to find out if I was seeing anyone - This all went on for 7 MONTHS on a weekly basis - I ignored all of it and then he sent me a pic of him looking physically hurt/injured and I guess he caught me in the right moment and annoyingly we starting chatting again - now this brings it to a total of 13 months that he's been initiating contact with me on a weekly basis (I have never initiated contact with him and only reply to his texts etc. sometimes). I would never take him back but he always tries to recall past memories, very charming, compliments me, tells me how "special I am" etc. i.e. "love bombs" me all over again (The HOOVER) but I'm immune to it as 100% of women who talk about forgiving their NPD man during his hoover have said he had become much much worse after getting comfortable thinking the woman has forgiven them and is back as their possession...

BUT I can't help feeling sick with envy (that awful heavy heart feeling) when seeing the profile of who I suspect to be his latest target and she's someone he added 2-3 months before I ended the relationship with him (due to other issues and another girl I suspected tried it on with but didn't sleep with - he's fallen out with that other girl since since and blocked her) I KNOW it's ridiculous that I feel such envy and a bruise to the ego especially as:

• He has literally been texting me throughout the entire time he'll have been seeing her (if he has) repeatedly almost begging me to meet up with him, etc. so quite clearly she's not the one that will change him so no idea why I feel so ego bruised etc.

-He intentionally does not mention her at all on all social media (just like he did with me and the previous women - he kept us all hidden). -He's done this idealise-devalue-discard with at least 27 females that I can recall based on the women he has unfriended on social media after being "close" with. -She's older than me by at least 5 years so she probably has gone through long periods of being single and/or break-ups so she's been where I am. -I know despite the arrogant exterior personality, he's a scared, overly sensitive, needy man on the inside so continually needs an ego stroke and so will not stay single and will go for anyone than be alone.

I guess my main reasons for envy are a stupid, silly worry that he'll somehow change positively for her (almost impossible I know), and as he was the first and only guy I've "been" with (all the way) if you know what I mean, I feel arghhhh about him getting intimate with another female after me (which is incredibly ridiculous, especially when I think of such perfect seeming people like Miranda Kerr breaking up with orlando bloom and he had moved on so if that even happens to Miranda, I should just learn to take it but I can't.

It's not even about me missing him as I don't but the overriding feeling is silly envy and an ego bruise over his new target.

How can I snap out of it? :(

Block him. Phone, social media, everywhere. Don't listen to his lies, don't watch him lying to other women. Spend time with people you actually like.

You are giving him way too much headspace. Why care what he does and who he does it to or with, if you would never take him back anyway?
He’s an idiot who enjoys jerking your chain every now and then to boost his ego.
Totally block him and find other ways to fill your time. You deserve much better than this pathetic excuse for a man.
This situation is stopping you finding someone decent who will not need to play these games and will be proud to announce your relationship.
You know he is never going to change, feel sorry for anyone he gets involved with, they have not won anything just settled for what little crumbs he dishes out.

Completely agree with the other poster. Block. Straight away. Cut the cancer out.

Just block him.
Block the shit out of him and don't waste another second of your time worrying about this drama.
New year, block him

Don’t do the “pick me!” dance. You wouldn’t want to be with this idiot anyway, what a nut job he is

block him. You are jealous because part of you wants to believe his charming but dangerous bullshit about how special you are. Been there.
It is intoxicating so time to NC.

What's stopped you from unfriending and blocking him on SM?

If you really haven't wanted this for the past year...you would of done.

Deep down I think you enjoyed his interest. Think about it.

Block on everything.
You think you're jealous but it's just part of your brain thinking of the 'what could have been' when you see him/new women with him, not what it was really like. Sometimes even when people are real twats,it's hard to shake off that bittersweet feeling of wishing they were how they appeared when you first met. But they're not,they're a twat. Keeping up contact just makes these emotions go round in circles.

Op you are totally obsessed with this man. You need to look into why this is and deal with it from there. You analyse everything he does trying to read between the lines, you stalk him on social media... How do you know he’s done this to 27 other women??? Are you counting?

This is all really unhealthy and instead of trying to work out everything he’s doing you need to look at your own behaviour and be honest with yourself about why you’re even conversing with him when you know he’s bad news and doesn’t give a shit about you.

You’ve started multiple threads all on this one man. You are completely in over your head.

The heady concoction of attraction, insecurity and lovebombing/feeling like you're the most special person in the world because he wants you is something it's understandable to miss/envy.

He's good at it. Doesn't mean he won't treat you, her or anybody else like total shit, though, does it? And I bet that means he's enjoying having this affect upon you (because he'll know it's driving you crazy, as it's what makes him feel good - your misery).

Step away - it's a drug. Block him everywhere. Do not engage any more.

Agree with everyone. Block.
It sounds like deep down you miss him and want him to change. You might also be addicted to the drama. It's like riding a roller coaster: the "excitement" of the highs, however, can be followed by the lowest of lows.
You're right, he probably is a needy insecure man. But the fact that he keeps messaging you shows that he knows what he is doing.
The fact that he hides his current relationships on SM might be because he doesn't want his family to know just what a twat he is.
Good luck.

I agree with @Trevorwhatever - you are obsessed with with man. I expect most of us online stalk exes for a while, then we realise it's not healthy and block.

Leave him in the past now, don't drag him into this fresh new year.

Block block bock.

When you block him, don't tell him you are going to. Just do it.

It doesn't matter if you text back only sometimes. Every single time you engage again, all someone like this learns is "oh ok so 6 months of pestering is what I need to do to get what I want". You have to block him yourself and totally disengage or this will go on forever.

I don't understand this kind of thing. He messaged you weekly for months but you can't understand why as you only text back sometimes.... it's obvious

He blocked you, why didn't you block him? As others have said part of you wants this that's why you left him unblocked and occasionally reply. You know he is not good for you, you have recognised his pattern, don't be part of it. BLOCK HIM

Until you're able to deal with your own obsessive nature alongside his, you won't be free of him. Because it's really your own behaviour that is the problem here.

All the best.

Why are you even doing this op? Life is way too short for this kind of crap.

Every single message you send gives this monster oxygen. Don’t send messages, cut him out. He sounds absolutely horrible. Treat it as a learning experience. Seeing who he is chasing on SM is like picking a scab repeatedly so it can’t heal.

I dated a narcissist for a while until he got bored of me. Did the same, lined up another woman before binning me, then he ghosted me for a day before switching his phone back on to coldly tell me he was done. He was even still sending me cute good mornings the day that he did it, we had never even had so much as a fight.
They are toxic individuals that feed off of control and emotions. Sure enough a year later he tried love bombing me and hoovering... thankfully I'd found someone else that I was falling in love with, but I still considered going back for a moment even though I knew it was a terrible idea.
Don't do it OP, it is only the attention that you crave. All his love bombing... it is exactly designed to do this to you. Find someone that actually cares about you. He doesn't care about you, you could be anyone for all he cares, he just wants someone around to manipulate and there's not much else on the menu right now. He enjoys knowing that you are at his disposal. Best thing to do is go full no contact.

I didn't think I could ever live without my ex, but full NC helped along with blocking him on all social media. When he kept contacting me, asking me about my day, telling me how he was going to be mr charming again, and how we should meet for dinner 'just as friends', I just said I don't ever want to feel that way about him anymore and I'm seeing someone who treats me much better. Best decision I have ever made.
No idea how many gfs he has had since me, but he has another every 3 months from what I could tell before, always one right after the next. He has no human emotion other than enjoyment of power.

Thanks for all the replies so far everyone.
It's just such a weird feeling as I'd never take him back or want him back, not even for $million, especially since I was the one who broke up with him so this feeling is more of an ego dent than a heartbreak..

All online articles etc. also seem to say narcs will always continually repeat this pattern with every "new supply" but I guess I was just wanting some real life examples to reassure me further - not that him leaving her would benefit me in any way whatsoever except a petty relief.

@Miffymeow Ah that does sound very similar to my situation - except I was the one who broke up with him (not the other way around). Yeah I definitely could see that control and manipulation is all he wanted.. not food, money, physical intimacy (these were all low priority things for him). How long had you been with him before he went cold and ghosted? Yeah mine also suggested meeting up as friends coz he apparently misses hanging out with me and he guesses I'm probably taken anyway because of what a catch I am (!)

You’re over-analysing everything. This guy isn’t really a nice guy or cares about you. Just block and move on.

Block. This is toxic and your behaviour is toxic for yourself.. be happy