How do you know if a relationship isn't working

[rumred]

Hello all
I'm in a 6m relationship with another woman. She's lovely. However it's not working out.... And I wonder if if its me that's the problem.
She's got a lot of issues, emotionally and physically, and I feel worn down by them. She is more into the relationship than I am-she tells me she misses me and wants to spend more time together than I do. It's hard to deal with - if I'm honest I feel unkind, but lying feels wrong too.
Is it possible I'm commitment phobic? Or is it just not right?
I'm in turmoil trying to work this out.
Any thoughts welcome

Does it matter who's got the problem? The fact is, you're not into the relationship, so end it. Then you can both move on and find someone you like better.

Remember, it shouldnt be this hard!

The first thing you have to do is to stop blaming yourself. You haven't done anything wrong, you simply aren't feeling that. There's no crime in that, it just the truth. Do the right thing and end it immediately so you can both get on with your lives.

Thanks for your replies. I think you're right but she's going through a tough time so I feel doubly unkind. But I can't deny I'm not feeling it. I ended it on Sunday, just keep worrying I'm being unfair and premature.
I know deep down what needs to happen, my anxiety and self doubt have made me waver

No wavering.
You've done the right thing.
If you aren't feeling it then that's that.
You don't stay out of pity of duty.
That's just mean.
Stop worrying about it.
You did what was right for you.
Time to move forward now.

Yeah you're right and it's helped getting some other views. My friends support me but I worry they're biased.
Anxiety has improved a bit too
Thanks again for all input

Anxiety has improved a bit too

Showing you you did the right thing. Relationships should bring joy, not anxiety.

It shouldn't be hard, so it sounds like you did the right thing

I hope it wasn't a bolt out of the blue for her though

Sorry that sounds harsher than I meant

No that was fine not harsh at all.
Yes she has been unhappy with things with me for a while but she'd have hung on I think whereas I couldn't do it anymore

Ah good :)

What makes you think you're commitment-phobic?

Well I'm in my 50s and in recent years have only had short relationships. And I'm a terrible self critic- if something is going wrong I look to myself first.
Plus shockingly bad role models as a child. And not loads of great ones as an adult. It's almost as if I can spot the weak spots in others relationships, and of course my own
Anyway, I'm currently happy, balanced and enjoying life. Apart from sorting the fall out from recent relationship, nothing awful, just very sad and hard.
You did ask beyondshattered ...

I don't think that sounds commitment-phobic, I think it sounds like you are perfectly happy on your own and view anyone coming into your life that they must "add" something special to your already happy life.

I'm jealous tbh :)

Yes I think we all deserve people who improve our lives in some way. Otherwise what's the point?
I've had years of misery, especially while I was in social work, but I realised it's a short life and up to me to make it a happy one.
Met with ex today and she's done a lot of thinking and working out and seems better than she's been for a while. It's too early to be friends but we are still kind to one another so it's possible in the future. Both relieved and sad at the moment. Which is absolutely fine

I wish my ex would read your thread and learn how to deal with a breakup, red - she's still in attack mode

God yes been there... Ignore is the only way. Hard though