I'm off the menu

[blueheal]

I've waited over 24hrs before posting so that I could calm down a little, not sure I have.

Yesterday during a heated discussion I told DH I was sick of being treated like McDonalds. He knows exactly what I meant as I've said it for years now. Basically I'm sick of being used as a drive through (sexually). He has his funny moods and tantrums which I have to put up with and the times he just wants to use me for what he wants and I'm supposed to forget all the nastiness and oblige. I just can't be used like that anymore. So when I said this yesterday he replied that he doesn't treat me like that because he doesn't want anything from the menu! I am so fuming, he certainly wanted something off the menu a few days ago. I didn't. I'm so hurt, I can't bare to see him. I can't be in the same room. I've tried but I can't. He's trying to brush it all off now but I won't let him. I've stayed in the spare room ever since. Thank god I've got you lot for company.

He's a bit of a shit really, very selfish and treats me disrespectfully. Let's his family do the same. All Christmas I've cooked and cleaned and he's done nothing but play computer games. I've only made an effort for the kids. Shame I'm missing out on them today but I can't bare to see that man.

Why are you still with him?

I'm totally dependent on him financially. I have nobody else. We have children. I'm scared of change. 20 odd years of this and nothing else.

Any of the above.

How old are your children? I think you should be looking at getting back into the workplace.

Time to muster your strength and make a plan to move on from this.

Seriously, this is no way to live and you need to model better options than this for your children.

You need to take control of your own life.

Having children is all the more reason to find a way out. Show them you at your best... strong and independent!

9 & 15, I would love to work but have nobody to cover childcare during holidays. DH is far to important to take any time off for that, that's what I'm for amongst many other things.

I don't like being financially dependent on him. Years ago his family accused me of being a gold digger! The thought never crossed my mind. He's not that well off. Any money of my own I've had he expected me to use so it goes quickly and then I have to justify the money I have to ask him for. Nowadays I do find myself thinking that I should stay for financial security especially for the children. Oldest has Aspergers and doesn't cope well with change, he's happy at school, everyone is happy except me.

What a complete tosser. I would at least separate within the home environment first, if he doesn't want anything off my "menu" then he would never get it it, ever again! Can you find a weekend job or something part time, perhaps cleaning/ironing so you can schedule it around you? Do you have a spare room you can retreat to? I hope others can offer some good advice but there will definitely be a solution, it might not be easy but it'll be worth it.
Whatever you do, don't help him anymore. No cooking or washing. Live as separately as possible. If there's a chance of reconciliation then counselling should be arranged for, by him, and paid for, by him.

Sorry just read your part about having a spare room. Decorate it and make it yours :) xx

If you split he'd have to provide for you and you would be entitled to benefits. Look at getting back to work and get a part time job during school hours.

I know what you mean...One of my ex's was like this which is one of the reasons he's now an ex...In the end the thought of sleeping with him repulsed me because be was such an arsehole.

It's complicated being on your own but doable....Thats what school holiday clubs are for. Do you have any family that could help?

I hope you laughed in his face and told him he has no gold to dig!!!

Any more unexpected money you have...Keep completely quiet and squirrel it away.

There's absolutely no way I would feel comfortable being dependant on another person financially and this is one of the reasons.

You need to change your position financially and restore the power balance in this relationship, then watch how he winds his neck in!!!!

CF just came up and asked if I wanted anything to eat! Through gritted teeth I said no, go away. Then he asked "what's wrong?" I told him to F off and leave me alone. He walked off. Seriously

Get a job and put them in holiday clubs? Or get a term time job in a school? I'm a single mum with young kids and no help, work keeps me independent. Good luck.