Feel lost

[pullthecracker]

I told dh it was over in November , after the majority of our 16 year marriage was spent on me treading on eggshells, so as not to make him annoyed or stressed. He’s still in the house (refusing to leave) and I know that I’ve made the right decision, but new year really hit me hard, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this alone, I seem to be surrounded by happy, loving couples, and just feel as though I’ll never feel happy again, I feel anxious all the time, and just in despair. I’m sitting on my sofa unable to stop crying.
I’ve got brilliant friends, but I feel as though I’ve started to annoy them now, and so I don’t want to keep contacting them. I just feel so alone. Have other people experienced this?

That sounds hard OP. Sorry you're going through this. You've made the first step in the process of improving things, so well done. What's your housing situation?

Hi OP
I haven't been through this myself, but I couldn't read and leave.

I would say that given it's a new year and you are in a new situation, why don't you give yourself some targets? Is there a hobby you've always wanted to try? Or a goal? Could be climbing snowdon or studying for a qualification. Have you always wanted to cut your hair short or try out a new look? Write literally anything that you have always wanted to do or achieve down

Once you have your list, you have a purpose, and can be kept busy ticking things off or planning things. Along the way you will no doubt meet new people and you can include your friends as well. If they are true friends they won't be annoyed by you and should be supportive. You didn't mention any DC? But you can include them in your plans. Having a focus can be a great help

Good luck and we'll done for being so brave xxx

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down, I completely understand.
I spent years walking on eggshells around my ex, he had an affair and we split but despite the fact I'd been so miserable for so long I still really struggled initially.
I realised that I actually didn't really know who I was anymore. I didn't have any interests of my own, or the ones I did have I had only really been doing to get me out the house to give me a break from him for a while, not because I particularly enjoyed them!
I don't know if this would be feasible for you, but we had a holiday already booked when we split, and I went on my own. Best thing I ever did! 10 days in the sun, doing what I wanted when I wanted and not having to pander to someone else's moods. I came back feeling really refreshed and proud of myself, and gradually over time I picked up new interests, did things like going to concerts myself, went to the cinema myself, basically just treated myself the way I wished we'd treated each other and the more I did, the more confident, independent and happy I became.
We split up 3.5 years ago, and for the last year I've been in a fantastic relationship with a wonderful man who I completely adore, but I don't feel like I need a relationship any more - I have one because I want this one, not because of a sense of necessity!
Friends commented about 2 years ago that they'd got the real me back, and I now laugh all the time and never think about my ex.
I know it's hard, but it's so fresh for you and it must be so difficult having to share your home. I promise it gets better though, you just need to do what's best for you and really think about what you want - then go do it!

I suspect you 'seemed' happy at new year for 16 years.
Everything as not as it seems.
Please keep leaning on friends.
They want to help.
You might feel like you are imposing but if they are like my friends they will want to be there for you.
Well done.
Here's to freedom in 2019 for you.

Thanks everyone.
vitalogy we have a joint mortgage, and two dd’s (15&9)
disney that’s a good idea, I need to have a think of something to work on.
Abbiedabbie that’s really brave of you, I’m not sure whether I could do that, did it not make you feel more alone at first?
hellsbells yes I did, I’ve had a complete cover face for many years, most people said they’d had no idea when I told them I’d ended it.

Honestly? A little. But I'd had quite bad issues with anxiety (caused by the relationship - all good now) and realised that I really needed to like myself again as I'm the only person who can't get away from me! I spent the first day of my holiday sitting crying on my balcony, but then gave myself a shake and went exploring on the second day.

I just worried about leaning too much on friends and them getting annoyed with me, so I wanted to be my friend too (if that makes sense!) I realised that the only way to build myself up was to scare myself a bit. Very little fazes me now, I've made some great new friends and achieved things I'd never have thought I could do in hobbies I'd never have considered. I was definitely scared and sometimes felt alone but when I had those feelings I'd take myself to the cinema or walk up a hill

You’ve really inspired me Abbie , I think I do need to try to like myself again, but it feels very far away at the moment.

If you're looking on social media etc and comparing OP, please don't.

People will never say Happy New Year/Christmas, by the way my marriage is shit etc...so many people stick in miserable relationships.

You are making a positive change, well done and I can totally relate to the treading on eggshells. It's cliche I know but new year/fresh start and all that.

Wishing you the best 2019 .

Thank you, it’s true, social media has a lot to answer for