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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why am I miserable/sad/despairing?

1 reply

newbeginning18 · 02/01/2019 11:57

Please can someone who has been through this help me .... I separated in the summer after 3 years of living with a male menopause advert ... ditched designer clothes bought leathers/rock teeshirts/ SO MUCH DENIM :-((( - then bought a motorbike - all while we were broke!
He took up with a gang of motorbikers went off every weekend - we have two teens at home with us. No idea where he was or what he was doing. Worked all week then went bonkers at weekend. No talking about any of it. Ignored my concerns about money etc. Final straw was a whole weekend of madness resulting in tattoo and again no talking about it. Drinking ++ and having a wild time. Tells me this is who is always was despite us being married for 18 years. Eventually he told me he wanted to split. Within 2 weeks was on a dating site and seeing people. Had to sell our home. He got one bed flat - no room for kids. Older child >18 years so no money for her just the younger one after a confrontation.
I am totally devastated and cannot understand how this all happened to me. I worked desperately hard every day and came home to nothing. No love or affection for years. Felt like we were friends. Then friends don't steal your money and buy a motorbike and all that goes with it! Just went through our normal Christmas for the kids but just made me miserable. Feel I cannot cope any more despite having brilliant friends and the love of my two children. Want to cry every day. nearly 6 months on from split and look at him and feel so sad. Please can anyone tell me this will get better - feel like I am in a spiral of despair ....

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2019 12:10

I have not been through this and I cannot tell you it will get better... But my experience of life is that hurt and pain do lesson with time.

He's been incredibly selfish and I expect you are grieving the loss of the man you loved. But your ex is no longer that man. He has made his choices, all be it ridiculous and foolish to you (and probably every one else).

I also think New Year is a hard time to do things. It's so easy to feel down and daunted rather than positive.

I hope you will find a way forward that puts you at the centre. You have to work and parent your kids, they still need you so much; but please make time for yourself.

Find new things. Little things that will bring you joy.

He is not going to provide the hugs and kisses (and maybe dating now is not the right time), so what would make life easier?

Maybe things to look forward to, a weekend away with the kids or friends, maybe an art class, maybe changing something in your home or life, taking up something new, putting down something burdensome, or going for a promotion? Whatever it is, I hope you find it. XX Flowers

Sorry not to be more help!

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