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Original poster

How can I tell if he's lying or not

16 replies

HelixVortex · 02/01/2019 11:09

I know there have been a lot of threads about people using private investigators and I am getting to the point where I am considering it.

I have known dp for 6 months. We met online dating but for the first few months we weren't exclusively seeing each other then we had a conversation and decided to be exclusive.

We have both been very backwards about coming forwards with each other both blaming a lot of bad experiences with OLD. He has had 2 relationships that produced children (one a marriage, the second just a LTR) - but it took him until we were exclusive for him to tell me about the second lot of dcs (who are quite young).

All our dates have been just the 2 of us though we have accidentally met friends when on them. I never go back to his - he says this is because he was stalked by someone (and when we bumped into one of his friends, he did confirm this as he made a joke about me being the next stalker).

There are a lot of small things like this that have feasible explanations but just adding all these little things up gives me significant doubt about whether I am getting the truth.

He also changes plans frequently and rearranges things all the time but blames the fact that he is disorganised.

I want to trust what he says. But I also don't want to be an idiot. The problem with OLD is that it is full of nutters! Do I just keep going in the hope that things become clearer with time? We are v smitten with each other. Or should I consider something like a PI?!

OP posts:
Botanica · 02/01/2019 11:13

Life is too short for this sort of drama.

You're only six months in. I'd move on if I were you. You deserve better.

Lovinglifemostly · 02/01/2019 11:13

Trust your gut. A relationship shouldn’t be like this only 6 months in. Don’t waste time or money on a PI.

NameChangeNugget · 02/01/2019 11:14

6 months is way too soon for this level of drama. It really shouldn’t be like this

Original poster
HelixVortex · 02/01/2019 11:15

Thanks. I think you're both right. My spidey senses are going mad....

OP posts:
Original poster
HelixVortex · 02/01/2019 11:17

I wouldn't say there was drama. It's more that there is a lot that to me doesn't add up. It could add up but it just seems a lot that doesn't! One thing would be something, but multiple things becomes questionable....

Sigh

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/01/2019 11:18

Can't go to his place because of stalkers!!!!!! As if.

SparklyMagpie · 02/01/2019 11:19

A PI after 6 months!?! Wow

Original poster
HelixVortex · 02/01/2019 11:20

queen weirdly that's one of the more believable ones ;). We did bump into his friend when out who asked if I was the next stalker. Apparently it was quite bad and the police were involved! (His friend did say it was quite bad after he stopped teasing...)

But it just seems....odd...

OP posts:
Original poster
HelixVortex · 02/01/2019 11:23

Sparkly if you ever have the misfortune to do OLD you will know what I mean. I have only done it for 6/12 months but have met married men who said they weren't, men who claimed to be years younger and in totally different residential circumstances, chancers, fakers, someone who had been convicted for domestic assault...I honestly cannot believe how men lie on OLD. It is thoroughly depressing!

OP posts:
Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/01/2019 11:24

The stalker thing isn't believable. They he had one? Sure. That that's the reason you can't see his place. Bollards

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/01/2019 11:25

TE the conviction for assault - met some of my exes then Grin

Orillia93 · 02/01/2019 11:28

Are you crazy?Confused Six months in and you are considering a PI? You don't even sound that you like him that much.. I'd walk away now and wouldn't give him a second thought. Life is way too short for crap like that.

SparklyMagpie · 02/01/2019 11:28

OP I met my boyfriend of 7 months on OLD, what I'm saying is, if you'd go as far as putting money into a PI, is it really worth it ?

Original poster
HelixVortex · 02/01/2019 11:33

I understand where you're coming from Sparkly but I'm concerned that I actually don't trust any men I meet on OLD as I've met so many that lie that I'm starting to think I can barely see the wood for the trees.

I have a good job and am financially independent with my own house and older kids who have left home. I'm also fairly easily googleable and have an exh who has a public profile job. And the problem is that I seem to attract men who are attracted to me not for being me but because of those factors. First bloke (not on OLD) turned out to be a secret gambling addict but it took me 6 months to find out!

I've got to the stage where I would almost rather have someone say to me 'he's telling the truth' than way through 6 months each time to find out it's all a load of bollocks!

But you're all right and I think I knew it..just sometimes you need to hear someone else say it!

OP posts:
BeepBeepBop1 · 02/01/2019 11:33

If this is how you feel run away ... find someone who doesn't make you question

ChristmasFluff · 02/01/2019 14:56

People are right - if you are feeling the need to hire a PI at the 6 month mark, then this isn't the relationship for you.

Listen to your instincts

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