What's happened?!?!?

[2019me]

I'm so perplexed and need advice (or maybe a slap/reality check).

Over the last month or so of last year got very close to a friend that had previously been platonic. Nothing physical but it got very intense - he'd contact me almost every day, he initiated frequent catch ups, he said he loved me (and acted like that was true), he said all sorts of other things about my value to him. It was all very intense, and then we both went on holiday, making vague plans to see each other when we got back. Still heard from him fairly frequently, nice messages etc, including one last Saturday night quite late at night that I didn't respond to as I was already asleep. I've no idea why he messaged then or what he was doing.

I replied the next day when I got the message upon waking, and he left me on read - read it but didn't respond. I sent a follow up asking if everything was OK (it wasn't like him not to reply) which he replied to but didn't really engage in proper conversation then left the conversation. I then gave him the benefit of the doubt so messaged a long Happy New Year message, which wasn't even opened for over 24 hours then a short "happy new year" response without engaging in any chat, and then my reply to his message was ignored.

I feel like I'm watching something slip away but have no idea what. I'm just bewildered. WTF has happened? He's been online a lot but i can't message him anymore without feeling like a stalker

Has anyone been in this position before?

I have noticed a phenomenon where some people get a 'Christmas person' in to let them feel like they're coupled up just before and over Christmas, then drop them like a hot coal in the new year.
Whatever his reasons, you deserve someone who's not going to have you looking at your phone and wondering where they've got to, someone who's really into you.

It's called "cuffing season" , peedrightoff.

Cuffing season! Interesting.

I’ve made a day without messaging. Onward and upwards. Here’s to feeling better tomorrow and less like a mug

Well done on not texting. Has he been in touch yet?

I guess for me it worked out, after too many highs and lows he pulled away completely and we agreed to stop texting. It’s been three weeks now since we chatted. It’s for the best, but I miss him so much. Maybe if I’d been less clingy it would’ve been different or maybe he’s a narc who just got bored ... I’ll never know. 😔

Thanks Betty and I don’t think you can beat yourself up for being clingy as you’re only as needy as your unmet needs. I hope the nc is going well!

And as suspected my bloke was in touch, to say things have been tough with him this week for mh reasons but that he thinks the world of me. I’m still wary though. I don’t want to feel like I did earlier in the week again

I think you are a placeholder. He likes you but you aren't his number one.

I think you’re right not and that being friends has meant it’s gone on for far too long as well

You didn't do anything wrong in not replying straight away. That's normal. You've been nothing but polite and open, if he can't be the same, even if it is for mental health issues, then is it worth it?? So he's back in touch and he thinks the world of you, but apparently that's not enough to even reply to your NY's message, not even with a "I'm having a bad couple of days, I'll get back to you in a day or two". It's not good enough! You deserve someone who means it.

Have you ever thought about the reasons behind all of this.
Reeling you in, then going cold?
I mean I don’t want to be an armchair analyst, but do a bit of research on that type of behaviour, it makes you feel like you’re always wrong footed. A bit mad. Ending up on mumsnet for answers because it’s so inexplicable...
We all have attachment styles, and if he is avoidant then you’re on a hiding to nowhere.
Is this what you want in your life?

Also, not convinced the silence wasn't to "punish" you for not replying straight away. If it was that, be very wary indeed.