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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

“Luke warm” feelings

11 replies

Sammiejo12 · 02/01/2019 01:54

Evening MN

So been casually dating this guy, we Met a few years ago, lost contact, had relationships in between, remet last April and since then it’s been very casual.

Over the last month or so it’s been more “serious” as in we communicate in some way everyday, we usually do something at least once a week, stayed at each other houses and we’ve slept together a couple times.

He’s been away over Christmas, comes home this weekend.... I dropped him off at the airport on the way out and offered to pick him up but his words were “no it’s ok, it’s a hassle for you, I’ll get an Uber, thanks for offering.”

Mmmmm I wouldn’t offer if it was a hassle and I would quite like to see him.

Am I crazy to think that he “should” want to see me too after being away?

I’ve always been the one in the driving seat so to speak, and if he turned round and said he wanted to be with me and give a relationship a go I would be very happy with that but I just get luke warm emotions/feelings I don’t know.

I do really like him, I’ve been cautious to rush, hence why he’s been pursuing me since April, due to a bad bad relationship breakup. But now we’re regular dating I sort of want him to up his game a bit, I have said this but he just jokes “oh yeah, because that’s really me.”

Ergh I hate this.

OP posts:
PolkaDoting · 02/01/2019 02:15

Which of you is it that has the luke warm feelings?

It sounds like both of you.

Sammiejo12 · 02/01/2019 02:15

Probably need to add that I do suggest we do more coupley things, I’d like to go away for a weekend but he’s got trips books most weekends he doesn’t have his kids and his work ramps up now going into the new year so he’ll struggle to get more time off work. He is aware that I’d like to have something to look forward to, but Is this just an excuse???

I sometimes feel when I hand the brakes on a bit more he had more plans up his sleeve than now I’ve accepted to myself I do like him...

OP posts:
Sammiejo12 · 02/01/2019 02:17

I’m not 100% sure on his feelings, he’s very consistent. Always asks how I am, never leaves it more than a couple days to check in, he’s so lovely to me, doesn’t plan that much, he’s much more of a spur of the moment kind of person which is ok but I like to know what I’m doing, I can’t alwasy just drop my plans because he wants to go for dinner.

OP posts:
ImNotKitten · 02/01/2019 02:17

Should be fun and easy in the beginning. If you’re hating it now, is he the right person for you?

Sammiejo12 · 02/01/2019 02:18

I want to ask him what’s going on, or what he wants from me but I’m scared and have no idea how to even bring the subject up... he’ll probs just make light of it and tell me to stop worrying.

OP posts:
GrandmaSteglitszch · 02/01/2019 02:23

If he doesn't have time to fit you in to his schedule, he's not really that interested.

Sammiejo12 · 02/01/2019 02:26

Yes you’re right, if he wanted to be with me then he would no questions asked... :)

OP posts:
GrandmaSteglitszch · 02/01/2019 02:27

If you want to know, you'll have to be brave. Make it clear you'd like the relationship to be less casual and see what he says.
If you let it drift on, he'll think you're happy with how things are.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 02/01/2019 02:33

Be honest with him. Either he’s being casual as he’s scared he’ll push you away. Or he’s just not wanting more. Either way being honest will give you the answer

jessstan2 · 02/01/2019 02:41

It sounds to me that he likes you a lot, enjoys your company but at the moment isn't thinking much further. I also think he was quite considerate not wanting you to pick him up from the airport, he's not taking advantage of you.

Try and enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. It sounds pretty good, there's nothing wrong with being cautious and you can keep your options open. Re-assess in a year or so.

Sammiejo12 · 02/01/2019 08:12

Thank you it’s surprising what other opinions can do to settle your mind. It’s hard to get all the details across withiut writing a book.

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