Time to go

[Changedyetagain]

So 2019 is the year I need to be strong and make the move to leave my H, so any advice will be very much appreciated.

I deal with all the finances so that is ok, same with birth certificates, passports etc for DC.

I need to sort out a home for us, current house we own joint names but he'll never leave and in all fairness he has nowhere else to go whereas I have good family support, but I'd rather not burden family my moving in.

I'll have very little money, I work part time and we have a lot of debt (should clear if we sell the house) I will apply for some benefits.

So where do I start, I can't stay long term whilst saving any money secretly and once I've told him I'm going we won't be able to stay living in the same house together but not together.

So please any help/advice.

I think your first move should be to retain a solicitor. You need proper advise in order to move forward with a separation and then divorce. Aside from that, you need to open your own banking account to secure your money where he can't touch it. Good luck. You'll get through this.

Thanks Aqua but no way I can afford a solicitor at the minute

Would I be best to get accommodation in place then tell H as we are moving out or tell him I'm leaving and then get sorted?

Anyone else with any advice please.

Many solicitors offer a free appointment to start.
I don’t think it’s practical or wise to try and go through a divorce with no legal advice or support - your soon to be ex husband will almost certainly avail himself of this, and you risk being financially screwed over.

At the minute it would just be a case of separating rather then straight into a divorce I would think

I have told my ex I'm done with him first, told him when I will be looking to move out by and then proceeded to look for property. I gave him three months notice and stuck to my words. Luckily he was reasonable about it.

Miraculous my H won't be that reasonable he will go between shouting/swearing calling me names telling me to fuck off and go straight away to crying telling me how much he loves me, doesn't want this etc

Changed, I also had all this. My approach was a grey rock, as much as it can be hurtful, let it go over your head. Your light at the end of the tunnel is now within an arm's reach.

If he won't be reasonable the. Don't tell him until you have plans in place.
Do you know what he earns?
Pension?

hells yes I do know what he earns, pensions etc. I have decided not to say anything yet because I can't afford private renting so having to apply for council housing which obviously could take a very long time. There is no way I could take the nastiness Miraculous for the long time it may take to get somewhere else to live or he may try to change my mind which I know I'd regret at the later date.

I borrowed the deposit /bond and found a house. Enlisted some lovely JW neighbours who I hardly knew, applied for benefits from the moving date and moved out while exh was at work. He didn't believe I would go but I did!

You may have a plan, but do not expect things to turn out the way you are anticipating. Have you really thought this through? Are you seriously considering putting your children through the upheaval of moving home rather than trying to get your husband to leave. As you are joint owner you would never be advised to leave the family home, you need to stay put until the finances are sorted. Get solicitors advice and go on to the Wikivorce government funded divorce website where you will receive great advice.

Yes I have thought things through as much as anyone can in these circumstances crimson and whilst leaving the family home is by no means great, I believe its the only option for me and my DC. The house will eventually be sold anyway so we would have to move at some point so may as well do it early on so at least I will have my own place and not be in a house my H will also have a right to live in as well.