Advice please what would people do in my shoes

[youngmammy]

I have been with my partner for 3 year and we have a 8 month old baby boy together. I work part time and he is unemployed not really actively looking for work he doesn't really help out around the house and complains a lot about watching our son don't get me wrong he his a good dad when he isn't moaning we argue quite frequently he is currently watching tv why I'm getting our son to sleep even tho I was up with our son all through the night and am very tired when I'm at work he will go sit round his mams all day so she will entertain baby then that means not a thing gets done in the house why I am out and that means the dog is left alone all day if we did break up I work very early Saturday mornings and know he would spite me so I could not go to work then I simply wouldn't be able to live on what I'd be making I don't know what to do I feel so unhappy at the moment

I knew you would say he is a good Dad but not one thing says that.

He does not earn money to support his child, not is he looking for a job, he seems to think despite that fact that you work that you should do the vast majority of childcare, when he has your child by himself he goes to his mothers and you know he would be spiteful if you split up.

I would chat about the issues and then get rid of him if it did not improve. Would his mother help you out with childcare it could you get another job?

Have you looked at the entitled to website to find out what benefits you could get. Don’t forget the £5 a week child maintenance you will get from him

< sigh >

Lol child maintenance he doesn't even claim benefits we have had the talk more than a few times he claims he will change and do more but never does his mum has baby Monday Tuesday as she works the rests of the days and i have to be a work for 6am Saturday morning so it's really too early for anyone else to watch him xx

What does he say when you talk to him about pulling his weight?

I think you're right to be upset that he doesn't help with the baby when you're home, even though you're tired
and deal with night wakings.

I think it's reasonable that he spends a lot of time at his mother's though, as long as he isn't leaving all the child care to his mum. It can be pretty boring hanging out with a baby all day, and if he, your child, and his mum are happy then it seems fair enough to me. That's not a reason to neglect his share of the housework the rest of the time, obviously.

Work wise, does he have a plan or is this likely to be long term do you think?

Oh just noticed the bit about the dog!
Sorry, that's different and I can totally understand why you're not happy with it.

I'm a single mum and I work part time. Can you speak to work about changing your hours? Or look for a different job with better hours so LO can go to nursery? Due to mental health problems I currently only work 15 hours a week on minimum wage, DD goes to nursery on the 2 days I work and I'm slowly working to increase this. Don't get me wrong I'm not swimming in cash by any stretch but DD is well fed, clothed and had a lovely Christmas with lots of gifts. My point is it can be done and done comfortably if not lavishly you just have to be forward thinking and careful. I wouldn't rush into anything but explore you options and start to make the move. You will 100x times happier on your own and doing everything than with an unhelpful man child and doing everything for him as well.

I only work 16 hours my self I really do love my job and the people I work for I would hate to have to leave. I just don't think I can do this relationship much longer,Christmas Eve was the first one not going to my mams and I spent it with my partner I had a bath put pjs on came downstairs he was sat on fifa so I gave it 10-15 mins then asked when he was coming off because I was bored thinking we could watch Christmas movies he said well if your that bored then go to Fucking bed I think that was what's hit the nail on the head I missed out Christmas with my family and he made no attempt to make ours Christmasy at all I have 3 young brother at my mams house all under 7 still believers I was devastated not going xx

Im only 22 iv got a house, bills a job, baby and dog I pay everything I do everything I just can't be bothered with any unnecessary shit anymore if I wanna go out anywhere it's always begrudge by him I know things will come to a end soon but I know it's not gonna be pretty so it's putting me off taking any action

But you've already said you do it all yourself so by getting rid of him you are lessening the load not increasing it. I get that it's scary and it will probably be a wobbly few months while stuff settles down but you will be better for it you just have to take a leap of faith

I'm just really worried about my job if I can't provide they isn't anyone else too especially with a little one too scared to chance it

So the top and bottom of this is that you don't want to be with him anymore but that you don't have anyone to look after you baby on a Saturday?

There has got to be another way than supporting him and having your entire life dragged down by him.

Can your Mam not have the baby? I know it's early on a Saturday. Maybe you could sleep at your Mam's on a Friday night?

My mam already has 3 boys under 7 and 2 foster girls it would just be too much for her he did make me breakfast in bed this morning he did sorry for last night so it's just shows he's not oblivious to what he's doing

Why are you with him OP?

He contributes nothing to your life.

Theres 2 choices OP, sounds harsh, but it's true.

Stick with this lead weight around your neck until it pulls you so far down your back breaks.

Release yourself from the lead weight and feel freer and lighter.

I'd suggest the latter.
Kick the sorry excuse for a man out, speak with your employer's about changing hours.

Why women put up with cock heads like this guy is absolutely beyond me, don't do it for a second longer op.

You’re young

Any grandparent about?

Ask about changing hours, you never know it might help them out by doing so
Look at tax credits

He’s a loser and you know it

I'd dump the adult child... speak to work... friends see what opportunities there could be for childcare for those few hours... even ask his mum maybe?

Plenty of dads work full time, then come home and do what they can... so it's no excuse... he's just a lazy twunt x

Leave him. Speak to your employer about changing your hours. Cut back on things you don’t need and perhaps find a new home for your dog as that is added expense/commitment that you can’t handle right now. Build yourself, focus on creating a good life for you and LO. Single mums can do it. Good luck OP x

You work 16 hours so you can claim working tax credits (or Universal). Check entitledto.com and make sure you are in the best position financially.

He isn’t ready for an adult relationship, so probably best he moves out.

His only purpose atm in your life is so you can work on Saturday mornings?
Explore an alternative with your employer.
Your bf sounds like a little boy

I do claim universal credit but I'm not entitled to housing costs as my house is owned by my granda I pay him weekly and he saves the money I give him until I have a large enough deposit to buy the house from him xx

I hope you keep the house in your name only and never put him on the deeds or any one else for that matter

Think about your future

Does your DP contribute anything financially?

I would seriously consider asking him to leave until he sorts himself out. He sounds like a cock lodger.

Could you speak to your grandad about not paying rent for a few months till you get yourself sorted out?

I most definitely won't everything is in my name my granda is a god send me and partner took on a house then he lost yet another job and I was paying more out in bills than I was making that's when my granda offerd to buy a house and let me pay him £50 per week until I had enough savings for a deposit to buy from him so iv been really lucky not many people get that opportunity my nanna and granda aren't really up to baby sitting him mum has the baby Monday and Tuesday why I work my mam has 3 boys under 7 and 2 foster girls so her hand are really full I just don't know what to do for the best I could never get rid of my dog iv had her 7 year xx

Echoing what PP's have said. End the relationship and ask him to leave, it'll be the best thing you ever do. You're already doing it alone just with a man-child getting in your way!

Talk to your work about shifts that will suit you. Claim everything you're entitled to.
Focus on your LO!