Help me to stand up for myself!

[EmmaH83]

I love my bf we have been together for nearly 3 years. We live together but we keep finances separate and I manage the bills account. Over Christmas I have brought presents on his behalf and today I have asked when I am getting that money back. He informed me on his next pay day which is 26th Jan. I told him I thought that was unreasonable and he started ranting about how little money he had and how I didn’t appreciate that and that I earn more than him.
He then threw a tenner at me and is now sulking upstairs.
My children are in the house so I don’t want to start a row but if I try and challenge him. He out shouts me and I just end up giving up.
Or he will end up giving me 1000 examples of when he has paid for things and ask me to pay him back.
It’s exgausting and we need to find a better way to communicate better but how?

So has he been paid since you bought the gifts? End of Dec? If so then yes he needs to cough up before the end of Jan. How much was it? And is he generally irresponsible with money? That would colour my view I think.

As the lower earner in my relationship I did sometimes rely on DP to bail me out but he is generally happy to do it as he doesn’t want to see me struggle. We don’t even live together but I would certainly feel a bit put out if I lived with him, was financially struggling and he made me feel guilty for borrowing money.

Yes he was paid at the end of Dec but said he hadn’t budgeted well. This is a pattern. I have an amazon prime account so he will ask me to order stuff and then never give the money back willingly.
I do earn more but I pay way more into the bills account than him as he has debt that he’s trying to pay off.
In the past he’s said it’s embarrassment that’s made him angry but it’s starting to wear thin. I would just like a conversation that doesn’t end up with him shouting

Why would you want to share a life with someone like this? I would be reconsidering. You are being used financially and I suspect in other ways. You need to be really hard and upfront. If he didn't like it, tough, he ships out.

Yeah that’s not good. Sounds like he’s taking the piss. I guess it’s slightly helpful that he’s recognised the anger as embarrassment but if he’s still being difficult about it then you need to either LTB or at least keep all finances separate and refuse to buy things on your account.

My ex was similar. Not for presents, but I would pay for bills or services on the car etc and he would never offer to give me money. I'd have to ask him and there was always some sort of argument or reluctance from him. Money was a massive issue and a bit part of why we split up.