I am a single parent to 2 dc's (11 and 13). Their dad doesn't coparent so the past 5 years have been hard emotionally, physically and financially. However, I qualify as a nurse in March so the light is in sight. I can finally just work. Every job out there is shifts. I have managed to find a place that can be flexible with my hours and have agreed for me to work long days (×3) instead of shorter shifts (×5). My mum has said all along (for the past 5 years studying) she will help me once i am qualified. I haven't had to rely on her whilst studying as my placements allowed me to be flexible and occasionally I have paid for childcare. I take my dc's back and forth to all their out of school activities, atend all school meetings, take them to appointments and do everything else that needs doing. It's what I am used to, even though it's hard work, I feel happy I have been able to.
My mum has agreed to have my dc's 2 days (long days) meaning she will have to take to activities, cook, basically be a mother figure twice a week to them. This is going to be hard for her and I know she wouldn't want to do it out of choice. Very long story short my mum was never this to us growing up. In fact me and my siblings were emotionally neglected and forced to leave home at 17yrs due to her new partner being an arse. We didn't have Christmas presents from that day on, never invited there, and I could go on with some very disturbing stories but I won't. Anyway 20 years on after not having a good relationship with her growing up, she left this man (5 years ago) and is alot better but I honestly don't think she knows how to show up emotionally. I find it hard to forget or forgive and feel guilty as she is now offering to help me. However, she has a new man and they're inseparable. I don't feel comfortable around him. My mum likes the big 'I am' kinds of man. She likes to be controlled and not have to make decisions. He is very opinionated and thinks the only way to solve problems are with his fists. It's more mouth than anything. Hes just not someone i would like to spend time with. She clearly does and thats fine. However, she will be looking after my dc's and bringing him along.
I have absolutely nobody to help me so I feel like I have no alternative. I try not to think too much but being around my mum makes me feel (I have no words) not very good.
I don't even know what normal is. Is this normal in families? I feel guilty relying on her feeling how I do. I lie awake at night thinking of all ways to not have to rely on her. Then feel horrible for feeling the way I do.