I'm not really sure if it's advice I need or just to get this all out.
Me and my OH are just so different, I really don't know how to deal with things and it's having a huge effect on my self esteem as I am constantly feeling like I'm doing everything wrong.
We have very different standards when it comes to the house. I am not bothered by a bit of mess and clutter and would prefer things to be clean. I feel that having things around makes a pace homely. He comes from a house where they had very few things around. I've been there and it didn't feel homely at all, it all felt a bit prison cell like. He once used a cloth to clean up wee, rinsed it a bit and then wiped down the kitchen worktops. He didn't see an issue with that at all. I am really trying to get the house to a standard that he is happy with, his constant criticism is really getting me down, but I know that he won't be really happy unless I threw out loads of mine and our children's stuff. There's nowhere I can put stuff as he won't have more storage.
I know I can declutter some stuff and I'm working on it, but it will never be good enough for him. I'm a grown woman and don't do things for praise, but when I've worked hard at something and all he does is moan about something else that I haven't done, it just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. There's no point in saying that he needs to do more if he wants it at a certain standard as he will just throw things away which I don't want him to do.
I run around before he gets home from work trying to tidy up as much as possible so that he's not getting pissed off as soon as he walks through the door. He regularly refers to the house as a pig sty (it really isn't that bad!) and all the junk around. If he is tidying up the children's stuff he starts shouting about how he spends all day tidying up other people's junk and regularly threatens to throw their toys away. If I pick up his shoes or clothes from the floor, or clear up after him in the kitchen I just get on with it. If I leave my shoes somewhere or leave something around he makes such a huge deal of it. I'm not the tidiest person but neither is he and he doesn't seem to notice his own mess.
I sometimes forget part way through doing things what I'm doing, so if I pick something up to take it into the kitchen there is a good chance that I will get distracted by something, put it down and forget about it. I know it's really annoying but I have a health condition that causes brain fog, and although it's not too bad now between the house, 2 children and a degree plus I think I'm suffering with anxiety because of how things are, I just think I'm struggling to cope.
Also, I believe that you shouldn't argue in front of children, he has no issues shouting at me about something in front of them, or criticising me to them. If I ask him calmly to stop and not speak to me like that then he just shouts more, but I don't just want to sit back and let him shout as I don't believe it's good for them to see that either.
It's all really affecting my self esteem as I feel constantly like nothing I do is good enough but then I feel like I'm just being weak and unable to cope.