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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need Clarity

7 replies

Megwils · 01/01/2019 09:17

First time here and I don't really understand the lingo, but here goes.

Married for 4.5 years, together for 7. We have a4 year old daughter and desperately want another baby-have been trying for years. I never feel like having sex but force myself to do it every other day for 10 days around my ovulation period.

Anyway, feel like my marriage is a shambles and just need to express all the things that are happening to get some clarity as to what the hero is going on, is my husband abusive, am i controlling and are we better together o'r apart?!

So, in light of the start of a new year I want to try to start afresh and just state what is going on with us from this point forward. If you have any advice, encouragement, insight I'd appreciate it... If not, then writing it here will give me some much needed clarity.

New Year's Day 2019, 7:20am. After a late night DS is still sleeping as am I. DH wakes me up saying "Are you taking the dog out today? You need to take the dog out more, you've hardly taken her out over Christmas" I as answered then started to go back to sleep. DH says "aren't you ovulating? Comet on we need to have sex" I answer "I never get more than 5 hours sleep and you've just woken me up for no reason. Please let me sleep!" DH says "can you sleep in the spare room?" I answered no and asked him to let me sleep in my own bed and told him not to be selfish. He then starts to argue with me, telling me that he's had a shit Christmas, that he always has to do what I want and starts playing videos loudly on his iPad. With my eye mask on I try to sleep and ask him to not be cruel. After I ask him to use his ear phones he gets out of bed, goes to the spare room and tells me how selfish I am and says he is not coming to see MY friends with me today.

I don't want to state my opinion as I would like the facts only too speak for themselves. Do I speak with him about this later or do I let it lie and try to start the day more positively when we all get up?!

OP posts:
Enough101 · 01/01/2019 10:35

Yes speak to him today...two words....fuck off.

Floralhousecoat · 01/01/2019 10:52

He woke you up for no good reason other than to have an argument. That to me is unforgivable. He has no respect for you or your needs as a human being. Please don't be trying to have another child with him. You need to think about leaving him.

Hopoindown31 · 01/01/2019 11:12

You are forcing yourself to have sex with him? That isn't good.

MadeForThis · 01/01/2019 11:17

Go and see your friends without him.

Don't have another baby unless you sort the relationship first.

He sounds horrible

Megwils · 01/01/2019 11:59

Me, little one and the dog are going out without DH today sadly. I did ask him if he fancied coming for a walk, but he said "no, I'd rather spend time with people I want to spend time with- myself". Maybe he is down - I'm pretty sure that's half the problem most of the time. Would love to fall in love with eachother again so not giving up on us just yet. Thanks x

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 01/01/2019 18:09

Hmm, he was wanting your attention but because he seemingly 'can't use his words' he goaded you in to an argument.

I never feel like having sex but force myself to do it every other day for 10 days around my ovulation period.

Do you think this is because you were desperately trying for years and the sex you were having lost 'Intimacy' becoming more functional as it were?

And it goes without saying you shouldn't force yourself to have sex!

Megwils · 01/01/2019 23:36

I'm hoping that getting emotional intimacy back in the relationship will bring back some desire to be physically intimate on my part.

We really do want another child so if I want that to happen I am inevitably going to have to have sex even when I don't feel like it.

Thanks for all insights, it really does help to see things from another perspective

OP posts:
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