What to do now..

[Stars1979]

So, have a 11 month old baby. Married just over three years. Things taken a turn for the worse in our relationship since baby born horrible arguments day to day. He shouts which I hate especially around the baby. Anyway On Sunday broke down and said I’d had enough and I felt our relationship couldn’t continue. He said he needed to think about it. Later that evening once baby in bed he said he was too sick to talk (he had bad cough). Fine then last night I just said to him will you see your brother now for new year? Originally planned to have take away and few drink in. He said yes to give you a peaceful night. I spent New Year’s Eve at 12 holding my babies hand but silent tears as although I know it’s over I don’t want it to be. He came in at 4.30 and seems he went clubbing! We could have talked last night but I guess not much to say. He is still ill but I have no sympathy. He is in bed I’m up with baby wishing I had somewhere to go and just leave. It’s going to be drawn out as to when he goes. We rent at the moment.

Do you have friends or family who are supportive? The fact that he shouts around the baby is a massive red flag. It's hard to end a relationship and scary to be a lone parent but honestly for your baby and your own mental health it's the best thing if you can.

He's avoiding the issue. You don't need his permission for the relationship to be over. I think you know it is. You don't want this behaviour around your baby. Take control and make plans for the future.

Yes you are right he is definitely avoiding as in the day yesterday was trying to get along, which I found strange. I’m not really worried about being on my own but it’s getting to that point that’s I’m going to find difficult. He is a good Dad and I feel a lot of guilt but I cannot stand him shouting and he knows it’s not right. I don’t want my baby thinking this is normal behaviour.

He is emphatically NOT a good dad if he shouts around his baby and upsets its mother.

My parents are both in ill health and have nowhere for me to stay. I do have friends but I feel ashamed and embarrassed to call upon them and couldn’t put myself on them to stay. So either he goes which will take a while or baby and I do and rent somewhere else and put notice in on this place.

Please contact your friends and tell them what's going on. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Even if all they can offer is moral support it will still help you.

Yes Babdoc that’s true thank you needed to hear that.