I know its wrong BUT

[iknowitswrong]

Im a regular who has name changed for this just to be on the safe side!
Been married for 4 years now and have 3 lovely children but the past few weeks have been a real strain on DH and I for alot of different reasons.
Dh and i havent touched each other for nearly 2 months now which is not normal for us and there is alot of ignoring going on at home.
Evenings are him downstairs and me upsatirs. I feel resentful towards him right now since he told me he thought we were heading for a divorce! He says he cant deal with my moods etc and cant handle all the stress at home. I feel like im dealing with alot of issues surrounding kids by myself and feel unsupported.
We have talked but it ends up with us arguing.
Im fed up with it all. I truely hate my life at the minute
I recently got an email through friends reunited from an EX ,my first love. We havent seen each other since before i met DH so it has been 5 years. 3 weeks ago we started texting and i feel drwan to him again. He was my rock for nearly 9 years. We split because he wanted to settle down and i didnt! He is 12 years older than me.
Anyway, lobg sotry sorry. He wants me to meet him this weekend. Just for a drink and a chat.
My heart says YES because he will give me attention and make me feel good. My head says NO cos if DH found out even if nothing happens DH will divorce me.
I know i shouldnt meet him BUT i cant help feeling i may miss something if i dont.

yes. you will almost certainly miss a load of grief.
you KNOW it would be a stupid thing to do. this is just a distraction from addressing your problems with your dh. that is what needs your attention. sorry to be blunt..... you did ask.

i can see how u may be tempted but i not sure it such a good idea hun , first loves are special [although saying that my first love used to hit me] ,but you got kiddies to think of and how it would affect them.be careful ok in watever you decide

I'd say that the other man is a fantasy not a rock.

appreciate the bluntness though. Feel like i need a big mumsnet shake!
HATE myself for thinking all of this. Thing is its so stressed with DH at moment. Arranged babysitter twice last week and he cancelled saying he couldnt be civil to me in public!

Do you want to stay with your dh? If so then do not meet this man and talk it through with dh.

this is the thing. I was sleeping with ex even after we split up. He was in my life even when i had first child etc. Met dh and gave up contact because DH said i had to choose.
Personnally i wouldnt have said DH and I were finished BUt he told me 2 weeks ago that he thought we were hading for divorce and that he thinks we are closer then i know!
That shook me a bit to be honest and since then i feel like im on my own!
He is distant, cold, and grumpy.
My last relationship (not ex) ended with him kicking me out on streets with a baby and im terrified this will happen again. Do i get out now while the goings good or do i stay and watch my marriage crumble.
Ex really is only part of this thing i suppose. I just want to feel wanted!

Try to get it right in your head - these are two separate issues. They are not related.

You are having relationship problems which will not be fixed by meeting up with someone you keep in your 'If You Transported Me Back In Time, I'd Do It All Again' file.

You are seeking (quite rightly) a better time.

You are risking your future to gamble one on the other.

Sort A.
Then move on to B.

In an ideal world you should sort a) before you move onto b). We all know that in our hearts.

Maybe there is a reason why you are not with your old flame ? i.e. commonsense ?

Let's just turn this round here, and say you are your husband.

How would you feel then, as the other party?

If the answer is anything along the lines of hurt, upset, gutted, etc., I think you know it's a bad idea to go.

Mixing A and B will screw your head up even more than now. Its the age old "here's a sweet, don't eat it". Be strong. Resist. Rise above it all and see it from new angles.

im hurt, im scared, im telling myself its just a friedn to chat with but TBH i know more will happen if we meet.
I wont text ex back and will try and chat with DH as soon as DC are in bed. Cant be sure i wont meet EX though especially if DH is a wnaker tonight!

If you had been diagnosed with a brain tumour, treatment was unsuccessful and you were lying on your deathbed, having said goodbye to your 3 adored children.......who would you want holding your hand? Who would you want to be comforting them? Who would you want telling them stories about you when you'd gone?

Talk, talk and talk. Allow him to be a bit of a wanker. Everyone is a wanker sometimes.

Message withdrawn

TBH holding my hand would be my sister!
I know i must think about the children in all this BUT i feel like im on my own anyway!
You are all doing well though, i feel like im getting a virtual shake back to reality.
KNOW meeting ex is bad isea. KNOW i have to talk to DH. Scared DH will say its over and then will make my life hard, take kids off me etc.
Am thinking i should jump ship and run with kids!

I don't think you are going to get the 'o.k' that you want.

scared if i push DH to talk it will be one argument to far and my marriage will be over!#
God i am screwed up aint i!!!

Oh god, I totally agree with frumpygrumpy. I had a similar bad patch with my DH, met up with old flame (also through Friends Re-united, such a cliche, i'm afraid) - my marriage to DH almost ended over this, I moved out, we were talking about divorce - it took a lot of heartache and effort on both our parts to get back together (very happy now but it's scary how close we came to losing that forever) and I don't think I'll ever be able to truly forgive myself.

My DH wasn't blameless - we had all sorts of issues and he was not without fault BUT as FG says, it's TWO SEPARATE ISSUES - try and sort your marriage out (or end it, if that's what you want) first, before anything happens with this old flame. Don't kid yourself it'll juyst be a drink or two, cos it won't be just that, even if you don't actually have sex, ifyswim.

God, sorry to go on but I feel really strongly about this - I know how you're feeling and how strong the temptation is. But honestly, if DH is being a wanker, DEAL with that, separate issues remember.

And another thing. Your brain is wired to remember good stuff and shut out bad.

You remember the good stuff with your ex and you want that fix.

You want to shut out the issues with your DH rather than face them. Facing them now will be easier if your record is clean.

Stop thinking about what will make you feel good in the short term and try to look at the longer term bigger picture. Brain tumours and early deaths happen frequently. So do relationship problems. Its a hurdle. Jump it.

Be your DH. Try to see and feel what he is seeing and feeling. He can't do the same for you, so you have to be the clever one.