Ex partner lives in Flat above me. #Hurts

[deadandalive]

My hearts breaking. He’s bringing girls back and I hear them laughing and being intimate. I’m avoiding using our shared entrance and exits and shared garden as much as possible and have a panic attack when I do. He has no empathy about this whatsoever. I can’t move for many reasons and he won’t. How the hell do i cope with this?

Always ...

God, thanks for taking time today to share that.. it must have raised memories going back to that time. Thankyou x

This time next year I know we’ll be separate and he and these emotions and the stinging sights and sounds will be in the past - the same as other relationships gone by. It was just bloody hard last night. New day and I’m feeling stronger again. Trick now is to just keep busy and try to not hide. That bit is very, very scary though. I’ve got some old beta blockers. They might help to at least stop me shaking! My heart is racing and my legs feel like jelly just writing this - anticipating that I might go to my shed soon, knowing he might be in the garden. In this state I’d never make it out the door !

Hollow ..

He was looking for somewhere to live and we clicked so fast and hard, that I suggested he take the empty place. I thought if it didn’t work out we’d always be friends. Stupid stupid idea and stupid stupid plan now I think back..

As soon as he was in, he changed and admitted he only adored me when he was with me and that he didn’t have any interest in me when we were apart due to him having ‘sociopathic’ tendencies. He told me he craves fantasy and admitted he lied about many things he had told me and that his orevious marriage broke due to him being a prolific liar. It kinda went downhill from then.

I wouldn’t want him back. No way. I don’t need that crap in my life. But emotions are a funny thing and I can’t stop pining for/craving the good bits and feeling hurt that someone else is enjoying his touch, voice, smile etc. I guess this is only because he’s in front of me.

You need to stop caring about what he thinks and sees and notices (He probably doesnt). And you need to get on with your life. Start dating again and don't be scared of letting someone in. He wasn't right for you but that didn't mean someone else won't be. You had fun whilst it lasted but now it's finished get on with your life. Spend time with other people, get to know other men and you will find you don't even think about him anymore.

Also OP - you don't need to start dating other people in order to move on!

Sorry. What does OP stand for?

Train your mind! You sound as though you have so much discipline and self awareness!
List why he's a rubbish waste of space, and you are better off without him. He's a fantasy like a character in a film, watch from a distance and admire his acting skills.
He's clearly got a short attention span so is likely to move on soon. Is there another flat in the block, further away from him? That could be a solution.

OP= Original Poster, in this case you!

Pickle.

Good advice regarding viewing him like a character. I couldn’t do that indefinitely and definitely couldn’t be at a garden get together with him but it can help for now. Thankyou x

I think my biggest mistake last night was being alone here and not having anything to occupy my mind apart from to sit in the darkness and wonder what he was doing and who with for 20 hours! I drove myself insane. I won’t do it again. I’ll not be so focused on every sound and trying to see who he’s bringing back and I’ll still hide from him. But I will try and think of what a weight he would have been to my life if we hadn’t have parted and how to get away from him. I bought him into my life. It’s my own fault and I have to suffer the consequences. I’ll do what needs to be done.

I’m also glad I didn’t see his girl properly. I live in a small town and have managed to keep myself to myself and completely stress free here for 5 years. The last thing I need is having someone to look out for around my town and surrounding areas. I’m better not knowing who he’s seeing from around here. Especially if it’s a neighbour. It could lead to obsession and further avoidance of places.

Things feel a bit better now there’s some life, light and normality back in the house. Tonight will be tough when I inevitably wake or hear him with girls again, but I can put the TV on and distract myself a bit. I’m also back at work tomorrow and out of the house all night which will really help.

Everyone has been amazing in here with me today. Of all days! Thank you all very much and I hope you all started 2019 in a better place than me!