How to bring joy in 2019 with a joyless husband in a joyless marriage?

[Joy2019]

I will leave eventually, but can't just yet as I don't yet have the support in place that I am going to need for myself and my children.
I usually love the prospect of a new, fresh new year but I'm feeling flat. I asked DH this evening to help me come up with a joy list of ideas for 2019 for our family despite where we are presently in our marriage.
He said no.
I feel I'm working against a strong force of apathy, laziness and misery from him. I am determined not to let it rub off.
How can I bring myself and my children more joy in 2019, despite him? My children are very young- 4 and 6 months. I also don't have a lot of family support. I plan, organise and drive everything in our family; it would also be nice to be able to take some time out for myself.

One thing I used to do was when they were in bed I asked for all the happy things that had happened that day and what had upset them. That meant that when we split up they were used to talking about things.

Find things that make you happy without him. If you're wanting to stay together, it could be that being relentlessly chipper could be his one link with normality - and if not, it means you have good things going on in your life whether he's still there or not.

Being miserable isn't a reason for him to not look after the children whilst you go and do something for yourself.

I've got constant pain. I deal with it by swearing loads and bitching about all and sundry online and then getting over myself and getting on with life as I have it, not as other people do. The OH describes it as my being somewhat 'bullish'. Well, yeah - the alternative is wafting about like a cross between the ghost of Jacob Marley, wailing 'Dooom! Doooom! Woe and Doooooooooooooom!' and a fucking Dying Swan.

Chronic illness, pain and disability is shit. Of course it is. But I can't exactly do much about it now.

BusyBarbara Those marriage vows work both ways-he needs to tend to her needs as well be it physical,emotional or financial. Go borrow some empathy,please-you're killing the rest of us who actually have functioning hearts

Some great ideas! I really like the idea of having regular activities in place so that they can continue after separation. I think this would really help DC1.
What regular weekend activities do people do? I like the Friday movie night suggestion a lot.

Following this thread too. Unfortunately I'm in the same boat OP and I don't have any suggestions. I would love to hear what other people do.

Our regular activities are library, swimming, walks, scouts/guides, film night and take away.
Then once a month we do a day out somewhere. It can be whatever takes my fancy. Last year we did beach, strawberry picking, castle, zoo, outdoor theatre, nature reserve.
Once a month we visit family too.
This is all without dh.

Sorry to hear that Belle; its hard to stay joyful yourself even though you r4wlly want to I find and thanks Beech for the suggestions.
I often find i try to squeeze in far too many family days out and end up feeling a little drained. I always feel we are missing out though if we don't. How many family days out to others have each month?

Joy doesn't always mean going out. Plan little activities in eg playing a board game of making a cake. I'd quite like to make a rainbow layered jelly! Buy some whipped cream and have posh hot choc at home with marshmallows.

I have recently discovered the joy of trampolines with - we have a big trampoline park a short bus ride away and its such fun leaping around. This would only work if he could look after the 6 month old - is that likely?

Are your days out likely to make your DH's pain issues worse though? Could you try and plan stuff that he can easily participate in?

My DH is very active. I'm disabled with pain/mobility issues. If we are planning stuff to do with the kids his default is to think of active stuff which effectively excludes me. He didn't really realise how much this pisses me off, because I am an introvert who is often happy to have her own space.

Perhaps thinking about doing stuff your DH enjoys might draw him in a bit and help him feel less grumpy and detached.