When to introduce DC to new BF?

[IAmALionessHearMeRoar]

I know there are MN 'rules' on this, blah blah, and every situation is different, but I'm asking for objective views...

DC is 5. Been with BF for 6 months and we both feel it's going to be long term. Not looking for BF to be a father figure, but want him to be more a part of my life, and vice versa. I've met his DC (teens). We have no plans to move in together. He is a lovely guy and a good dad to his own DC, so I have no concerns about risk iykwim.

I don’t know but just wanted to say how thoughtful you are being about such an important issue. DD’s now ex has been seeing someone for 4 months. Introduced their 2 young daughters to her and her teens over Christmas against DD’s wishes. The bloke is a complete knob. Hope it works out for you all.

thanks @digbymacbingley I am trying to put my DC first, particularly where my XH is unable to.

Can anyone give advice on how would be the best way to introduce them? I am thinking neutral ground, lol! And want to keep things relaxed and low key. My DC doesn't remember me and ex ever being together, so I don't think there would be confusion or maybe I'm being naive.

BF and I had a chat about the future and I think it's getting close to the right time.

Would appreciate some advice!!

Wish there were more clued up parents like you around!
What about introducing your new partner as a friend? With a few very low-key outings to start (neutral territory); so at the park, out for coffee, etc. That way they can get to know each other a bit, and hopefully form a bond, without the initial pressure of him being introduced as your new partner. Think gradual, and slowly but surely.
I am no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's how I would play it.
Hope it all works out!

My 16 year old DD was introduced to the current Mr Floozie at a quiz night! She was keen to meet him, as apparently she felt left out because the dog and cat had already met him! I think a neutral location is an excellent idea - the park or even the zoo, so that there is plenty to do but also lots of opportunities to interact.

Good luck.

Hi, I’ve just introduced my DC to my partner of 7 months. We went to a trampoline centre as friends. After that we’ve done park and cinema. Seems to be going great. They get on and my dc is under no pressure. Just take it slow and easy. It’ll be fine honestly. I was more worried than I can say but it’s going well using the casual method x

No experience in introducing myself, but my now ex husband waited 10 months before he introduced his new partner to my DS (8) I would always trust his judgement but I did appreciate that he gave it a lengthy time before introducing & made me aware that they would be meeting before hand.
I will be doing the same when the time comes.

I think you'll know when the time is right - gradual meets to begin with & go from there.

Good luck :)

I think its wonderful that your being careful on how you handle this situation but quite frankly you have only been dating this man for 6 months and its probably too soon for introducing your child to someone that you, yourself do not know well enough yet to say he is long-term material (even though he might be).

This is in no way a dig at you OP, as you have come on here for genuine advice and you are trying to discover what is the best thing to do. It is perhaps not bad to introduce but what happens if you split up after 8 months? Will your DC ask questions? Will it not be confusing for DC? Your DC may see your new partner as a father figure, get attached and it may put pressure on your relationship when you should be in the getting to know you stage.

Personally, I would wait a year! If your relationship is going to last then it will and another 6 months will just confirm your feelings and commitment for this man. As for how you introduce, I would suggest a family day out, bowling, cinema, pizza, things that kids like to do generally!

Good Luck.

I met now dh's kids after 6 months - his ex had 2 more kids by a new dp by then- they were 6/8 and I met them out at an activity (kid friendly museum) and we did that and lunch and then I left them and they went home. Next time did whole day and time after I stayed over. Prob quite fast but they were already used to their mum having a new dp which helped

Personally I would wait a lot longer than 6 months (unless you're planning on marrying within a year). You're still in the honeymoon phase.

I waited a year. But.... because we had waited so long and built it up, we were super excited that everyone got on and then it kind of rushed ahead to him moving in. I wish we would have kept it more casual for longer. I’d say 6 months is fine. I take it you’ve spent some length of time with him to know he’s a keeper

I would think six months is about right. Gradually introduce him to her so she gets used to him being part of your life.

thanks so much everyone for your comments, I really appreciate it.

@deadliftgirl these are all the what-ifs that are going through my mind! Hence me deliberating about it so much, and trying to be mindful of all the possibilities and ramifications.

I do feel that he is a keeper, yes. We have talked about being together long term, and I feel as confident as it's possible to be at this stage that it will work out. I wouldn't even contemplate introducing him to my DC otherwise.

I want to do everything right, and carefully so.

My ex introduced his new GF of only a few weeks to DC without any thought, so that is even more reason to take things slowly my end.