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Original poster

Stood up on NYE?

25 replies

thegirlwiththedolphintattoo · 31/12/2018 15:52

I've been seeing this guy on and off for a month. We've had five dates and we slept together for the first time on Friday.

I'm renovating my house and he had said he would come over this evening and help out, plus bring dinner.

He messaged me this morning so say he is going to a NYE event with his parents instead. He wasn't particularly apologetic but he has brought me some food for tonight and he did say he would see me tomorrow to help.

But he's stood me up on NYE! Should I feel so insulted that he chose to spend it with his parents?

We've had some good dates so this has knocked me a bit.

OP posts:

Original poster

thegirlwiththedolphintattoo · 31/12/2018 15:54

Should point out that I didn't have plans tonight but it's more that he's decided to spend time with his parents instead of me.

OP posts:

SonataDentata · 31/12/2018 15:59

I’m sorry this has happened. I would be very insulted and reconsidering my future with him, in your position. Why make him a priority when it seems that you’re only an option to him?

BlancheM · 31/12/2018 16:00

I think it's fine. It was thoughtful to still bring you food and time will tell whether he will be in a fit state tomorrow to lend a hand being hungover! (then you can judge his flakiness)

MakeAHouseAHome · 31/12/2018 16:02

Er what... it has been a month!? Why on earth are you insulted he wants to spend NTE with his parents rather than someone he has known a month.

BlancheM · 31/12/2018 16:02

I meant to add, being stood up means he'd have let it get to tonight and just be a no-show. He let you know in plenty of time.

TinDogTavern · 31/12/2018 16:06

I'm not sure coming round with food to help with renovations constitutes a date? A nice thing to offer to help but not a one-month-in date surely?

Stood up on NYE is an image of you in all your finery left waiting for someone who doesn't show.

It's a big sociable night for a lot of people and he got a better offer. I really wouldn't be offended by that tbh.

freeAnneBoleyn · 31/12/2018 16:09

Way too short a time to put this sort of expectation on him in my opinion.

BackInTheRoom · 31/12/2018 16:19

I'd have been offended OP. Even if it's a month, he said he was going to yours so he should have. Him bringing the meal round is guilt. Personally I'd bin him because he should have been excited to see you but he's chosen his parents instead.

SwordofGryffindor · 31/12/2018 16:32

Umm who spends NYE with their parents ?????? He's lying

NameChangeNugget · 31/12/2018 16:51

I think you may be getting a bit ahead of yourself, after only a month

lazymare · 31/12/2018 16:57

Er what... it has been a month!? Why on earth are you insulted he wants to spend NTE with his parents rather than someone he has known a month.

Because it is a sign that he thinks it is ok to change plans and let her down.

Original poster

thegirlwiththedolphintattoo · 31/12/2018 17:03

I don't think he is lying about being at his parents for what it's worth.

He's just messaged me apologising and hoping I didn't get the wrong impression.

OP posts:

OneStepMoreFun · 31/12/2018 17:09

But it wasn't a date. And it is NYE. Perhaps he likes to celebrate. I wouldn't fancy helping someone renovate a house as a way to see New Year in. I'd rather be at a party of having a properly romantic dinner and champagne at home.

Catnut · 31/12/2018 17:10

If he's really spending NYE with his parents then it's probably a sign of a decent bloke. If he continues to break plans in future then you might need to reconsider things, but for now I'd take him at his word, enjoy the food he brought round and look forward to the year ahead together.

gamerchick · 31/12/2018 17:23

Was it actually to see the NY in and whatnot or is it really to help you do DIY?

erykahb · 31/12/2018 17:29

It's New Year's Eve. Personally, I'd rather spend it with my parents than someone I've known a month. You all need to get a grip if you'd be offended. It sounds as though he has good morals & his priorities right.

Without being rude OP- of course you aren't a priority. You've known the guy a month!!!! 31 days!!!!

HollowTalk · 31/12/2018 17:45

It isn't the fact she's known him a month (and ffs there have been threads on here where the OPs have been married within a month) it's the fact he said he would be with her - so, a date - and then cancelled in favour of his parents. AND this has happened just days after they slept together for the first time.

He's not that into you, OP, I'm afraid.

inlectorecumbit · 31/12/2018 17:48

Sorry OP, it sounds like he had - in his eyes- a better offer.
Start 2019 with a clean slate without this bloke,

Honeyroar · 31/12/2018 17:52

To be fair, helping renovate sounds like an incredibly dull way to bring in the New Year with a very new boyfriend. I know what you’re saying, but I’d be really fed up if that’s what my husband had suggested in our first few months together. (Nowadays I’m delighted to stay in!)

category12 · 31/12/2018 17:54

CRikey, I'd stand you up too if it was a choice of DIY and doing something else.

Original poster

thegirlwiththedolphintattoo · 31/12/2018 18:02

He suggested coming over! I didn't ask like it would be a date. He just said he had no plans this evening and could come over.

OP posts:

ChristmasFluff · 31/12/2018 20:28

Why on earth you would have agreed to a NYE meet with someone you had been seeing 'on and off' for a month is beyond me.

You have thus signalled 'I am desperate', and he is taking you at your own valuation.

You are on the backburner. Ditch him, and look for someone else. But take this as a lesson. If sleeping with person changes stuff in your head, don't do it, because for a lot of people it changes nothing and it's the only reason they are dating.

Natalie Lue is good on dating and due diligence: www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-is-a-discovery-phase-where-you/

7kyay · 31/12/2018 20:39

It's no biggie imo. See what happens after Nye, your reaction to this could have more of an impact on where this relationship goes than his decision to spend Nye with his rents

Original poster

thegirlwiththedolphintattoo · 31/12/2018 20:40

How on earth does that make me desperate?! Until this morning he had no NYE plans either. To be honest a lot of people my age (late twenties) don't bother with NYE as we're out a lot every other night of the year?

OP posts:

pissedonatrain · 31/12/2018 21:39

I'm not sure how I would feel about this as I can't tell whether this was a date or just maybe I'll come by.

I wouldn't be keen for reno on NYE as frankly that type of thing is only interesting to the homeowner.

I'd just wait and see if he contacts to plan an actual date with you.

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