Tell me how you stay strong after EA

[cakef0rbreakfast]

I've just left my DP for the second time after a prolonged period of Emotional Abuse. I went back the first time because something inside me can't stop loving the arsehole despite his actions - police involvement, criminal damage, verbal and emotional abuse - and when he's not being horrible to me we have a wonderful time together.

I desperately want to stay strong if not for me but for my DC (not his), I don't want either of us around such poison and negativity and I can see that we have got out early enough so it hasn't affected them (he was always SO lovely to DC) and I can recover without him stealing any more of me from myself.

But how do I stay strong and not let him back in? I'm really struggling with the fact I still love this man. Or if I don't love him I'm somehow emotionally dependent on this cycle.

(The 'red flags' thread is helping!)

Have you blocked him on all social media, deleted his phone number and got yourself a new number? If not, do that today as proof to yourself that you are committed to leaving him forever.

Stay strong you dont love him but the idea of what you would like him to be. Life will be calmer without him and on your terms. Thats got to be good for you and your DC they want calm and security. Good advice above re phone number change. Have a memory of a bad time ready for weaker moments so you keep strong good luck

Block block block and get a good therapist. A nice fresh start for 2019 :)

I’m in exactly same position as you at the moment. I left 3 weeks ago I don’t know how I got the strength. I left 2 years ago and he told me he was going to kill himself so I went back through guilt he promised me the world, and he was 10 x worse going back. Do you have a good friend/family member you can confide in? I’ve found that and this forum has been my rock.

I also find that not thinking about get

thatwasthenblog.wordpress.com/2018/12/31/from-survivors-of-sociopaths-love-is/

Also gives a pointer to a good support group

Read up on trauma bonding it may help shed some light on your attachment to him.

Keep as busy as possible, focus on your kids and remember that you can be a better mum to them without the constant firefighting and angst this relationship brings.

He will no doubt try and reel you back in and provide token gestures of his 'improvement' remember that this is purely an attempt to manipulate you, these types of people don't change.EVER.

Write down all the terrible things he did to you and how they made you feel. Read this every morning when you get up, every night before you go to sleep and any other time that you feel yourself weakening.

You are worthy of real love....Remember that