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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of ending things

4 replies

Scaredykitty · 31/12/2018 05:05

OH and I have been together four years, moved in together a few months ago. Around that time his brother was diagnosed with depression, and he decided to go home to help out.

At the start, it was just weekends but this grew to four days a week. I currently get three weeknights with him and he'd reduce this more if I didn't fight for it.

I'd be fine with him helping out at home, except this isn't a short term thing. His brother shows no improvement and both his parents are long-term ill so even if his brother gets better they will always need his help. He recently talked about moving back with them for the next few years, and visiting me on weekend. I think he sees his family home as his true home, as he has made little effort to move his stuff into our flat/make it his in any way.

I worry this situation will carry on long-term, that I will always come second to his family and they will always need him. While I love him, that's not a relationship I want. Should I end things now, to free his time and allow me to move on with my life?

OP posts:
lilmishap · 31/12/2018 05:09

You either end it now or stay in a relationship where being with his family comes first.

It's not a decision we can make for you

Monty27 · 31/12/2018 05:09

I think you have worked it out for yourself.
And I agree with you. Sorry. Flowers

maximumcarnage · 31/12/2018 05:12

Short answer, yes.

Sounds a little callous I agree. Your OH is trying to help his family which is commendable. However he’s doing that at your expense. Rather than trying to achieve a good balance he’s essentially made you the sacrificial lamb. Over time he’s cut you out more. Hasn’t committed to moving in with you. And indeed plans to move into his family home. I think it best you find someone who can dedicate their time and love for you and commit to it.

Scaredykitty · 31/12/2018 05:44

Not the answers I was hoping for but the fact you're all agreeing gives me more confidence I'm not throwing an amazing relationship away over something small :'( thanks all

OP posts:
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