My partner goes out a lot!

[Kylieemilyj]

I know its probably really petty but i started listing every instance of him coming home from the pub, times dates etc and details of what state he was in as he doesnt realise how much time he spends drinking with his friends. I finally snapped and showed him this list of about 8 instances in the last month or so. Cue him getting all defensive (oh its christmas, oh this friend needed me on that night, i didnt want to bother you with stuff thats going on so i drink to cope?blah blah blah) and saying he doesnt need to spend every night at home with me. We both work shifts so often not home together either. I am also apparently also always in a bad mood whenever he comes home from work or the pub and I moan at him constantly because he doesnt pull his weight around the house at all (except suddenly one day every few weeks he will help me out for the day...) but apparently im the bad one in this relationship. Hes currently stormed off in a huff cuz I told him if he didnt want to spend time with me then not to bother. Its got so bad I want to leave sometimes

I think both of you need to take the time to talk without rowing, preferably away from the house. I reckon he's got to let certain things off his chest and you are the only one he needs to open up to but maybe he's thinking the atmosphere is never conducive?
Perhaps suggest a civil conversation between both of you, just so you know what's been eating him up inside? X

Was he like this when you met?
Are you moody?
Eight pub visits in December doesn't seem overly problematic to me, is that a normal amount for him?

@MumsyJ he just came back up and I tried to talk to him about how it makes me feel and how low i feel recently and he just goes on about how he wants time to himself and we need time apart sometimes and that he never really had friends so now he wants to spend time with our friends. I know whats happening in his life thats stressing him out, mainly family stuff and our baby whos due next year but he keeps saying he doesnt want to stress me out about how hes feeling and would rather talk to friends who are not involved instead of burdening me all the time.

@SpinneyHill it isnt excessive for him but i am unable to go out. I should have said but the majority of these nights out have been at weekends and he has drunk heavily for most of them. We are supposed to be saving money too

Do you think hes struggling with impending fatherhood and the constraints that will bring to his life? Can you arrange date nights where you have time to talk?

Yes. He and his mates are probably discussing football or some such and he gets pissed off back in real life.
Chuck him out until he sees sense, if he ever does.

@Lozzerbmc he is definately terrified for this little one to come, hes always telling me so. I have comforted him so many times regarding it, I feel exactly the same but I know its completely natural, and everyone does so ive kind of just not said much about it whereas he seems to make it a big deal, and is panicking about not being able to do stuff for the kid. I totally get this but its a bit of an overreaction to go out drinking every weekend and leave your pregnant girlfriend at home alone while you act immature in order to cope with having a baby. We have the means to support the baby and have been together 2 years so its not like hes been thrown in at the deepend imo

Feeling left out and being home alone in pregnancy is really shitty, dealing with a drunk late at night is crap as well I know.

It's really unfair that he feels entitled to offload his worries on friends but you're made to feel like a burden if you try to share yours with him while stuck indoors and pregnant.

Using the 'baby fear' as a reason to leave pregnant mum alone and go drinking would be laughable if it wasn't real life honestly, It sounds like he's got some serious growing up to do, sadly you can't force it to happen.

Sounds like the biggest issue here is that he's not pulling his weight at home. No wonder you resent him going out, I would too.

I'm sure his views will change soon as the baby arrives. First pregnancy, mum and dad clueless and fear of the unknown kicks in, it's only natural, but he needs to slow down now and support you in your current state. I totally understand where you're coming from, especially being pregnant. This isn't what you need right now. Just take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself

Zero support is what's going on and the baby isn't even here yet