Help, want to separate!

[Dcjca1234]

Hi so...
Quick background I'm 26 not been single since I was 15 3 kids...scared.

Me and my hubby have always had problems but I'm coming to the point I've have enough if it wasn't for the fact it's recently Christmas and he has an operation in a few weeks I would have talked about separation.

Now I have a massive crush on our couple friends roommate. I felt an attraction when we met at the couples friends party a year ago but then we didn't see each other until recently as he moved in with them a month ago. Now I cant get him off my mind. I added him on Facebook after a party and we spent hours chatting, hubby was there so nothing happened. I don't even think he notices me but I have never had a crush like this in our marriage obviously I've noticed people but nothing like this. I think part of the attraction is because he is such a kind person and my husband is just not to me anyway.

I want to do the right thing and stick with my husband until he's is better but I'm finding it really hard to have the strength. He loves me more than anything and I just don't feel it anymore because of how he has treated me (not violence just emotional). He's a good person just incredibly selfish and self-centred.

Any advice would be great

If you feel like you want to leave your husband, I would plan out all the practicalities you need to separate from him. Sort living arrangements, finances, child maintenance and co-parenting, etc. I'd not contact the roomate whilst you're figuring all this out as it muddies the waters. There may be the potential for something more with this man down the line, but it would be sensible to spend some time adjusting to single life with your kids before looking to start a relationship with someone new.

Totally agree with PP if you want to separate make plans to do so. Pursuing new relationship will just cause you grief. You need to deal with end of marriage and help support kids and make sure you will be ok financially before you bring another man into the mix. Good luck

One sided crush and he doesn't seem to notice you fancy him;
Firstly, you've been in a relationship since you were 15. I'd suggest you take a break from relationships if you are considering leaving your hubby. Take the time to find yourself before hopping on board another relationship.
Secondly, what if Mr crush is in a distant relationship but being private about it? You'd end up beating yourself up about it.
I think you should sort out the necessities by prioritising, knowing children are involved here and could be impacted by the separation. Yes I know your happiness counts also but what if Mr crush doesn't give you the happiness you deserve?
Think about it.

Oh I know he might not even notice me but I think the crush is more about being unhappy with my husband.
What do I do about the fact he has an operation in 2 weeks? I feel I shouldn't leave him before this but who knows how long he'll take to recover and then readjusting back to work etc. I want to have the talk now but would feel like a terrible person with the stress he's under anyway.
I agree I need to sort the kids etc but I've been thinking about this for a long term so have sorted a lot of that out in my head anyway. I also need to 'find' myself before I'm able to find someone else but if I'm honest I wouldn't mind a fling....how shit does that make me sound.
Thank you

Can’t family or friends look after him? If you’re so unhappy you shouldn’t be forced to stay a minute longer. And don’t have a fling. End it first. Even if you don’t move out straight away.

The crush sounds like a minor distraction that may or may not still be there in a few weeks. Unless you secretly hope you'll be caught cheating as a quicker way out?
If you've left him already in your head then a crush is normal at this point.

Have that talk with husband, which will be one step closer to freeing yourself. And nope you do not have to be there pre or post operation, your happiness and peace of mind matter, hopefully he has family that'll be there during his operation.
You sound like every part of you is done with the whole marriage. Have that conversation with him and then take it from there. Leave the thought of "fling" aside . There'll be time for flinging after you've cleared the impediment.

I wouldn't cheat I just mean I wouldn't jump straight into a relationship I just want a fling I've only ever been with my husband.
he has family his parents would look after him that's were we were going to stay for a few days after so we had help with the kids.
How do I approach it because he is no were near the same place he thinks he can fix it and change his behaviour and keeps saying he'll do anything to keep me. This also make me think he is really dependant on me emotionally.