Partner says he's gone off sex

[sarahmich]

I've been worried about my partners behaviour for a few months now. He has gone from treating me very well and being very much interested in my life/well being to completely and utterly aloof.

He's constantly on his phone (on YouTube) yet berates me on the rare occasion I am on mine. And never, ever wants to spend time together nor have sex anymore (we used to be 2-3 times a week and it was very good).

I've been letting him know about my feelings and have said a couple of times that I think we're drifting apart and may need to break up, but he says I'm ridiculous and that everything is fine and we should absolutely be together.

He's made a few comments sporadically about my body not being as nice as it used to be, which obviously I've been upset about and he just says I'm being silly and I am too sensitive.

Today I plucked up the courage to ask why he never seems to want sex anymore, and he says he's just completely lost the urge towards me and that he'd rather I just left him alone.

I can't help thinking he doesn't fancy me anymore, I've just gotten really upset and asked him about it and he shouted at me and told me I needed to give him a break and get a grip of my life.

It just doesn't make sense, I say we should split up and he literally begs me to stay and promises things will improve. Why does he still want me as his partner if he doesn't fancy/love me anymore?
And the fact he's so horrid when I'm upset, he can't even like me anymore, surely?!

Just so confused and can't help but wonder is it me?!

Tbh it sounds to me he doesn't want to leave until he's got someone else lined up to go to. Some men are like that. Leaving and setting up on their own is too much like hard work.

What do YOU want? Do you want to wait for him to leave you or do you want to close that part of your life on your terms?

Dump him, life is too short

He’s having an affair. He’s going to pretend it is your fault. It is not your fault.

Also he sounds a bit on the emotional abusive side with a hint of narcissism, sounds a bit like my ex I wish I’d got rid of mine a lot sooner . It’s not you, it’s him .

That's a weird one. If he's just gone off sex like he says, he should be then (i think) trying to put ur mind at ease that it's nothing to do with u or ur body and it's just he doesn't have the urge to have sex anymore at all.

Saying this will improve, does he try to make anything better ?

If not I'd reconsider what u what from this relationship, lack of sex and affection can be really damaging to someone's self esteem

You don't need his permission to end it. He's said some hurtful things to you and in your position I'd back off and end it.

He doesn't fancy you and he's ducking and diving and keeping you hanging on.

He berates you and told you to get a grip!!!!

Get rid of him. Pronto.

He sounds really cruel. Do some digging in case he has someone else? Either way I'd be leaving - or get him to.

Woe betide somebody's partner's body ages

@subspace it’s not just the lack of sex , if you read the post her partner has been wanting to spend less time with her and is often on his phone showing little interest in her generally, whilst also putting the op down ....

Well, him saying he's lost the urge towards you is exactly the same as saying he doesn't fancy you any more - I don't understand what the difference is supposed to be?

I'd consider getting a grip of my life by ditching the fecker tbh if he shouts at you for asking perfectly valid questions about your relationship.

RUN
RUN
RUN

It's over.

Either is cheating and/or has always been a nasty arsehole, but the mask has slipped.

I would just end it and move on.

I'd check his porn consumption.

Dump him! That was how my exH behaved. He would go on YouTube videos on his phone for hours, and it's ok but when I sent just one text or made one phone call to a family member, I he moaned that I was always on the phone. He would have a dig at the size of my stomach ( I was between sizes 8 & 10, absolutely flat stomach), only to find out he'd been secretly texting an old flame, telling her how he'd missed her and would want to be with her blah blah blah. One day, I decided to have a go at his looks (even though he was really handsome), he wanted to die, he stood in front of the mirror scrutinizing himself... vain fucker! We drifted apart, our sex lives went down the drain.
My advice, your man's behaviour is the beginning of the end of your relationship. His eyes are outside ( as my dear mum would say). Put yourself first and start preparing your mind to live without him. He's full of shit, just like my exH. Walk away !

Run and don't look back no matter how loudly he calls your name. He's not worth another breath.

Thanks for your replies. Not sure if it's worth mentioning he's had countless offers to work away from home for much better money and always turns it down as he would "miss me too much", even up to this week.

It just doesn't make any sense, he couldn't make it clearer that he doesn't enjoy or want my company. I'm starting to think he's just using me because perhaps I'm convenient for him.

As usual folks seem to think love and sex are one and the same thing. They are not. You can love someone and wish to be with them and not fancy them anymore.

It could be he has physical problems, or it's as he said,he simply isn't feeling it right now, but does love you and wish to be with you. He's snapping because he finds it difficult to articulate.

Ignore people saying he's looking for an affair. That's ludicrous.

He doesn't want to work away from home and you're a handy excuse to hang it on.