Worried about sister's boyfriend

[CakeRudolph]

Her boyfriend is extremely paranoid, and tries to commit suicide (he says). He's hurt her twice by accident because he doesn't realise his strength (I'm weirdly inclined to believe that he hasn't done it on purpose those times).

He's obviously ill at best and a abusive psycho at worst. I've told her to leave him, she says she won't in case he hurts himself. I think she's scared to be alone too.

How can I open her eyes to how dangerous a relationship with this man is?

Explain she is not responsible for his happiness and he should get help.

I've told her he needs to get medical help and she cannot be responsible for if he self-harms. She says she couldn't live with herself if he did. The 'suicide' attempts only came to light at the weekend, although apparently he didn't go to hospital either time. I think he's quite obviously lying to manipulate her, but I feel I can't outright say that to her because it'll put her on the defensive. She usually won't take any crap and I cannot understand why she can't see how not normal this all is. They've only been together 6 months!

Ask her to use Clare's Law to see if he has a record for DV.

only 6 months

So I am assuming they don't live together therefore it's easier to leave him.

Yes Banana, it should be the easiest thing in the world. It's all well and good saying the injuries were accidental, maybe they were, but he's 3 times her size, an 'accidental' injury could kill her. I can't understand why she can't see how toxic it all is and get out, and I don't know how to tell her how unhealthy it all is without her getting angry with me.

I would remind her that what he is doing is against the law.
Keep a diary yourself of incidents, and if you're concerned for her safety, seek advice from the police.

I had a boyfriend do exactly the same thing when I was 19, and my (narc) mum was incandescent with rage at him when I phoned to ask her advice (didn't realise what she was at the time, or how she was able to give such good advice).

She said, 'dear god, love, if he gets you back by threatening suicide after 6 months, can you imagine what he'll be getting away with after 16 years?'

Ooo is he actually diagnosed with a MH illness or has he self appointed himself with a label to excuse bad behaviour.

Suicide threats and attempts can be used as a method of control over people.

Has he actually made an attempt - cutting through blood vessels, taking enough medication to actually count as a serious overdose or purchasing a rope, making plans etc etc

or has he alternatively made superficial scratches to self, taken 3 paracetamol...

Massive difference in attempts, risks & potential outcomes.

Is the paranoia part of an abusers profile - paranoid about her cheating, wondering where she is or does he think GCHQ are tapping his phone?

She is not responsible for him regardless of reasons. Sounds like she needs to get out, major 🚩

Just reread your post.

He self reported a suicide attempt but didn’t go to hospital. Was it indeed an actual suicide attempt in this case? Or was he just sat on the sofa?

He sounds manipulative.

What did he accidently do to her?

He self reported a suicide attempt but didn’t go to hospital. Was it indeed an actual suicide attempt in this case? Or was he just sat on the sofa?

I reckon he was sat on the sofa.

I thought he'd accidentally pushed her twice. The first time might have been an accident, but having got the full story of the second time it was definitely intentional and she's acknowledged it was. Still won't leave him when he's 'ill'.

Is he doing drugs - prolonged use of cannabis can make people very paranoid. She does need to let him go.