Help! Need advice so unhappy

[DebbieD22]

Hi all, I'm new here
I just want help, advice?am I over reacting or am I being too nice?!

I just don't know how much more I can take!
I've been with my husband for over 15 years - 3 children.
I've put up with him for 10 years going out when he wants, not even telling me that he's going out, let alone where and when he will be back!
He mostly goes to the pub straight from work and I don't see him till 9/10am the next day!
It started slowly at first and then over the past 5 years it's been near enough every week.
It's nothing to do with other women he just goes out with his mates and drinks and takes drugs and stays anywhere that will have him basically! As he knows I can tell when he has been taking drugs and I don’t agree with it at all and I’ve thrown him out the few times he has come home off his face!
In the mornings he comes home completely sorry and disgusted with himself and I'm always angry, although recently I'm just quiet, I've just had enough of it, enough of the worry, of lying to my children where he is when they ask (which isn't often) when he's here he's 'not really here' he barely spends time with the kids and NEVER helps me.
I am a single mum if I'm honest, the kids help me out at dinner times, playing with the baby and seeing to baby to help me out while he just sits on the couch on his phone!
I'm so unhappy it's unreal.
He also knows I'm unhappy but doesn't do anything about it, just tells me he loves me and that it will all be ok in the end. But that usually lasts a few days then he's out again. I’ve asked him to go to couples counselling but he just laughs and says we are fine and that we don’t need it! He is fine as he does everything he wants whenever he wants! But if I need to pop out for some reason it’s the end of the world apparently!

He’s tried hypnotherapy for the drink and drugs but didn’t work. Just writing this out I'm now looking at it thinking wtf am I doing?! Why am I still with him?! Because he brings the money in? Because I don't want to break up the family? Because I don't want my family knowing how bad it is?
Because I know there is a good person under there somewhere and I want him back?!
I just feel stuck and so upset I don’t know where to go from here :(

Why are you doing this? Because of the reasons you state and more. I doubt he’ll change but you think he will. He says sorry - you forgive him - he does it again. There is a good person there somewhere, but it seems that’s you!

I’ve been where you are, it gets worse, don’t waste your life OP. Took me many years to finally get rid, but the feeling was priceless when I did.

He may bring the money in but doesn't do anything to suggest he's in a relationship, does he? I imagine you're the one that keeps family life motoring along. If you were ill what would he do for you and your children? Would he even know what to do? I mean the everyday day things? He sounds like a selfish arse. I understand you don't know what to do but you do have choices even if it might not feel like it at the moment.

Well he's not going to change his ways after 10 years of you accepting this.

So either this is your life, or you ditch him properly this time.

Life is short, OP.

Yes the couple of times I have been ill over the years, his mother is the one that comes over to help!

I think you’ll be happier (in time) without him. Relationships should be about so much more shouldnt they its a partnership after all isnt it?