“It’s kind of unfair that your Dad did all the work, but your Mum got the house”

[why100000]

Is what my ex’s nephew apparently said to my dd (they are cousins), when they first found out that ex and I were divorced, or what the outcome of the divorce was.

Which means that this is what his parents have been saying, and what ex has been saying to his entire family. Which means that they probably all think that. Very upsetting.

For context, ex and I were together for 22 years, and the division of assets was fair. I got “the house”, but ex got money and several other assets.

During the years we were together I was a SAHM to our three dc for 13 years, and worked for 8 years. So I contributed financially and through childcare. Not only that, I brought an asset to the pot via an inheritance, as well as some money. I bet ex hasn’t told his family that it is my inheritance which paid the mortgage off , or that I routinely paid for holidays and things like that .

Honestly I don’t know how I will ever get over what they must all think of me and the version of events which ex must be presenting to them .

How do you get over it??

Honestly op, you cant let yourself be brought down by some 15yo kid.

He may be being a little shit all on his own or he may be parroting others opinions. You can't let ex, or his family, get to you. He sounds thoroughly revolting and his family sound dense. Nothing to worry about here.

Plus, time will tell. You usually have to wait for it and by then you don't care - but it helps

Hold your head up OP. The truth will out. Believe me. Bittersweet symphony. Let him bitch. People will lose sympathy for him.
Good luck being a great mother it's worth it

Don't forget family usually stand by family regardless. What they say may not actually be how they feel. Or they are just being protective of him. Wait until one of them goes through a divorce - then they may understand it better

My adult sister who did not get on well with my ma has recently said similar things. My dad died last year and my ma died very recently so we are in the stage of sorting out probate and valuing her estate etc.
My parents divorce settlement decades ago was agreed and right for each of them. The fact that my ma died with more than my dad is nothing to do with it but my sister has feelings of unfairness about it all. Really tiresome and a bit upsetting to see her with those thoughts on top of grief. Doing what I can to help her understand / move on.

the idea that in a partnership where one has money-earning work and the other does house and childrearing work, only the former counts as "real work" is frankly stupid. make sure your DC have the knowledge and confidence to rebut such stupidity in future. unfortunately you can't fix stupid so prepare yourself and DC to accept that ex's family are too thick and prejudiced to understand, but happily you do not need them to have a good opinion of you as they really don't matter.

It's hard to say what the ex has told them. Gossiping of course to present himself in a better light or hard done by you.

Ignore them. It's none of their damn business anyway.

You're divorced, were you really expecting his family to stand by you?

His family are very likely to take his "side", are you really worried about what they think of you? Surely they are an irrelevance to you now?

Or is it more about what the wider community are thinking? Believe me people know that the source of information will put a slant on it.

I hope you are okay, divorce is horrible, whatever the circumstances.

They are silly. You sound like you have contributed a huge deal to the relationship. Clearly they are just very ill-informed. It’s really bad that they spout this nonsense to their children as well.

Introduce your daughter to the concept of "shadow work".

She's well old enough to understand that life isn't black and white, it always depends on circumstances.

Ha! Not only did he not do all the work, he didn't even do all the paid work. How depressing that in the Western Hemisphere in the 21st century people still happily assume that the husband pays all the bills while the wife either swans around giving vague orders to the cook and nanny or goes out for a little pin money job. There was never a time when every family worked that way.

I don’t understand your comment about a bit of money sisterlove. The assets were divided fairly

I just meant it was almost sounding like your Ex was getting more money.

People will always see a SAHM as doing nothing. It doesn't bring an income and even at 15 with his own opinions, I agree that this issue must have been discussed in his presence.

My DB is divorced. He have the house to his ex. My DC don't know any of this, as it is not discussed in their presence.

Why would the divorce settlement be if interest to his nephew.

Of course he's heard it discussed. To think otherwise is naive at best.

I just meant it was almost sounding like your Ex was getting more money.

Difficult to tell, but I think things are more or less fair. It was done on valuations but of course they are not always right. I know that ex and his family probably think it isn’t fair, but my family also think it is unfair to me, so maybe it is the nature of the beast.

I am not in touch with ex’s family who mostly live in another town - so in that sense I am protected from the way they can be. It is weird that 21 / 22 years of knowing people can be wiped out so quickly, but I find some of them difficult - and clearly they have now made me into some kind of disliked figure - so in that sense my life is easier. I do miss some one or two of them however.

Very traumatic divorce however, so I am content not having contact. I am not going to put myself in the way of unpleasantness - I have had enough of that from ex. Some of his siblings are very similar to him.