Why does this happen every time I date?

[partypopper2]

First serious relationship ended because I was too career focused.
Second one ended because he wanted to move abroad, I didn't.
Lived with them both and enjoyed it for the most part.

Since then...4 years of a couple of one year relationships / being single in between. Now I wind up mid-thirties and totally fed up and alone.

These days I'm career focused but NOT to the detriment of a relationship. I don't have a set criteria. I would like a 'spark' but I am also aware a spark can grow over time. I'm willing to date and give it time and I don't find it hard to get a second, third, fourth date....I just lose interest.

The last 6 month thing...the guy was desperate to take it to the next level. I liked him, a lot actually. But essentially I wasn't THAT bothered if I didn't see him. Should I have just carried it on and settled down? Maybe that is as good as it gets anyway and I am waiting for something that doesn't exist?

Sometimes I feel as if I will never feel as excited as I did about my first two relationships. They were right to have ended but I've not found anything similar since. Am I doing something wrong?!

Long term relationships require some compromise. If you don't ever compromise, then you don't end up with one person in a long term relationship.

Almost no relationship is perfect. Most people could mention numerous aspects of their marriage or relationship that they're not happy with.

WHat went wrong with your couple of one year relationships?

I'm not looking for perfect, though. And neither of my previous longer term relationships were perfect, but I felt a proper spark and wanted to continue them!

The couple of one year ones - one was abusive (long and horrible story!) and the other had children and didn't want more.

I am struggling to understand what the problem is from your post?

From what I gathered you have had 2 serious relationships that you deeply cared about and that these ended for different reasons.

Even though, the last guy liked you and you liked him, its a run for the hills moment when you say you don't care if you never see him again. I think you need to stop worrying, your not doing anything wrong. Just be happy, enjoy your life and the right person will come along when you least expect it.

I do not see the point in settling down with someone you are not interested in as you are just passing up the great love of your life for second best. Just because you haven't met him yet does not mean you never will. I think you need to just learn to love yourself, focus on you (not just career goals) and when you next get into a relationship you will now if he is the one.

deadlift I went from two nice relationships that really took off in my twenties, to ending up with lots of dating and short term relationships that don't seem to get off the ground, unless I just settled, in which case they would have probably gone the distance.

Guess I feel like I will never find anything I want long term ever again.

No you shouldn't settle down with someone you are not bothered about. He doesn't deserve that and nor do you. Like PP said live your life and you will meet someone in time.

Have you considered that you're just very happy spending time on your own? Perhaps you were expecting to miss him when you weren't with him, but content to be alone? It doesn't mean it wouldn't have worked though.

If you need plenty of alone time, going into a relationship understanding that would make it less likely for you to expect exactly what you experienced with your earlier serious relationships. You've changed and what you're looking for might have changed too.

partypopper2, if any of these men will right for you then they will still be with you. Even when relationships end because of one reason or another, if two people are truly meant to be they will find a way back to one another.

I think what you need is a break from dating, a break from men, time on your own away from relationships and trying to get into relationships. Write down a list of all the none-men goals you have and use 2019 as a way to try and achieve them. I know its not easy when you want to settle down and you cant find the one. I used to be like you but then after much backwards and forwards, I am now married.

So trust me when I say you can meet someone who is right and who will become your husband. I think when you starting putting yourself in places that you want to be like, gym, dance classes, travel plans and other hobbies, the right men will fall into your orbit and everything will fall into place.

I feel like I am running out of time. 35 and no baby. and definitely wouldnt want to have one alone - I have consdiered this and know it works for some. it's just not for me.

You could change the places you're going to. Give yourself the opportunity to meet different types of men.

the right person will come along when you least expect it.

I'm sorry, this comment gets right on my tits. Please don't say it, it is rubbish and so hurtful.

I don't think you should settle for someone you are not that interested in. Keep seeing him by all means if that's what you want but date others too.

It's really hard to be calm in your position. But try. I hope it works out for you.

I've had over 50 dates in 2 years and the longest I was with any of them was 9mths. I ended it as I got to the stage when I wasn't bothered if I saw him or not and didn't feel any emotional attachment.
Please don't settle. If starting a family is important to you then why not look into freezing your eggs, it might take some pressure off you?